Scars and Wings
by nessieh-42
Summary: Shalom Wilson has no idea why these nightmares keep plaguing her, until she gets a mysterious unwanted visitor. Enter the Winchester brothers and Castiel. Rate T for Language and some mild sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Supernatural Fanfic, please be gentle...**

 **And just a warning to those who like to associate Fanfics with seasons, this fanfic does not, I repeat DOES NOT, belong anywhere. I pulled events and jokes from multiple seasons and there are conflicting character meetings like Lilith and Lucifer both being on earth at the same time. I just wanted to warn ya'll and if that doesn't suit your fancy, then don't read.**

 **Some MPREG in this story as well, but a little later on.**

 **I do not Supernatural or any of the characters.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Shay? Are you alright?"

I shook my head. I wasn't sure what just happened, but my head hurt something fierce. I looked up at my best friend, Claire, who was standing over me.

"Shay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I must have just slipped on some ice."

Claire smiles cautiously and help me to my feet. "I can't let you out of my sight for two minutes without you hurting yourself."

I laughed. "Yes, and aren't you just as accident prone as me? I seem to remember that it was you who sat down and had a pile of books fall on your head."

We both laughed. Around the corner, I heard the school bell ring.

"Crap!"

* * *

A scream ripped out of my throat as I spring up from my bed. My head throbbed and my body was drenched in sweat. Whatever these nightmares were, they were getting worse. Through my blinds I saw that it was still night.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to ease the ache behind them and erase the images of my nightmare. The blood, the screams. I wasn't going back to sleep any time soon. A good book and a cup of tea with settle me down. That new chamomile peach would do nicely.

"You would think," I said to myself, "after six years-"

The doorbell made me jump. I looked at the stove clock. 3:37. Who on earth visits somebody at 3:30 in the morning?

I checked the eye hole. An ordinary man stood there waiting for the door to open. The ache behind my eyes became painful. Maybe if I just didn't answer...

"Lilith, it's me. I know you're there."

"Nobody by that name live here," I answered hoping he would go away. My headache was worsening.

"I don't have time for your games. You called me and told me to come to this apartment."

"I told you nobody by that name lives here." My temples throbbed and my vision started to blur.

"Lilith, I command you to open this-"

Murmured voices cut him off. An unearthly growl came from the door. My brain felt it like it was about to explode. I pressed the heels of my hands into my temples and sank to the ground next to the door. Rocking back and forth, I tried to suppress the pain by sheer force of will. I started to see flashes of light and images play inside of my eyelids.

"No, no, no, no, no! Not again," I muttered to myself. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder.

"Miss, are you alright?"

I looked up to find three concerned men looking down at me.

"Sam, he's getting away," the blonde one said.

The man kneeling next to me turned in response, then looked back at me.

"We need to go. Will you-"

"Make it stop," I whispered.

"What-"

I didn't hear the rest of the question. "Make it stop. Make it stop." I repeated over and over again getting louder and louder until I was screaming.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE-"

I was cut off by large hands covering mine. My head was turned to face a calm serious looking face. A voice, an unknown language, gentle, commanding, soft, torrential, all at the same time filled my ears, pushing away the pain. The deep gruff voice made me feel safe and warm, but at the same time scared and sad, like I was missing something.

The voice receded bringing a peaceful darkness. My eyes closed and I collapsed into a pair of waiting arms.

* * *

Warm sunshine woke me up. I rolled over and turned over my phone to look at the time. 10:11. Good thing it was Saturday or else my boss would have had my ass fired for being over two hours late. As my feet hit the floor, the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" I grabbed my bathrobe and walk towards the door. Something on the counter caught my eye. A mug and tea bags and the teapot was on the front burner. Why were they out? Something flickered in my memory. A dull ache started behind my eyes.

The doorbell rang again. "Coming!"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and unlock the door. My head started pounding harder when I saw my three guests.

"Can I help you, gents?"

"We are with the local police," the blonde one said. All three pulled out badges. The man with the trench coat had his upside down. I tried not to laugh as the blonde one gave an exasperated sigh and flipped it upright.

The tall one pointed to each of them and introduced them. "I'm officer Steven Hamill. This is officer Dan Ford, and our consultant Cas Teal. There were reports of a disturbance early this morning. May we come inside and ask you a few questions?"

Something in the back of my mind told me they were lying and to tell them to go away. I shook it away.

"Sure, come on in. Let me get dressed, I just woke up."

Officer Ford smiled. "Take your time. There's no rush."

Less than two minutes later, I was in my comfy jeans and my ex's plaid button up. It was soft and comfortable, unlike my ex, so I kept it. I smiled at my guests, rolling up the oversized sleeves.

"Can I get you gents anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee would be great," Officer Hamill responded settling down in a kitchen chair. I glance over to see Mr. Teal staring at me intensely. My headache intensified. I shook away the buzzing and poured out cups of coffee.

Once we were settled, Officer Ford pulled out a notepad and asked, "Did you hear or see anything unusual last night?"

My head pounded. "No, I was asleep."

All three of them glanced at each other. Once they looked away, my headache started pounding full force. My coffee cup broke on the tile flooring. Memories flashed across my mind. Places, people, words, symbols. Sam. Dean. Castiel. Steve. Dan. Cas. They were the same people. They carry guns and flasks of burning water. They were dangerous, especially to me. No, wait. That can't be right. I don't even know these men.

That was when I realized there were two distinct voices in my head. Mine and an evilly sweet one.

 _Get out!_

 _No, your body is mine._

 _It is not yours!_

I pushed the entity away and the pain faded.

My eyes opened. Three concerned faces were gathered around me. Dan and Steve- no, Dean and Sam, were restraining my arms, while Castiel muttered in some strange language. I swiveled my head to look at all of them.

"She's gone for now. You can let me up."

Dean hissed. "Christo."

I looked confused at them. "Guys, please, let me up. I told you she is gone."

Sam and Dean looked at each other, hesitant, and slowly backed away from me. I sat up and ran my hands through my messed up hair.

"Sam, Dean, Castiel." Each looked at me surprised, except for Castiel, who stared at me, emotionless.

"Would any of you care to tell me who the hell Lilith is and why she is in my fucking head?"

* * *

 **Please review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a little Destiel fun in this chapter... More in the next chapter.**

 **I do not own Supernatural!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"So, let me get this straight." I couldn't believe my own ears. "You are telling me that for the last six years, I have been battling with the ex-queen of Hell over who gets control of my body?"

Dean looked at Sam. "We think so..."

"We aren't even sure why this is happening," Sam explained. "We have seen demons give control or awareness back to their hosts, but from what you are telling us, Lilith has never had control while you are conscious."

We looked back to Castiel, who had remained silent for the last hour or so. His shining blue eyes shimmered with confusion and curiosity. He took a few steps closer.

"I have never heard of such a situation as this before."

Sam and Dean looked a little downcast at this. I looked at Castiel and tried to find the reason why his voice sounded so familiar, beyond what had apparently happened earlier this morning, but I shook away the thought and turned back to the brothers.

"Shay," Sam said, breaking the silence. "Tell us more about yourself. Maybe that will help us understand a little more about what is happening."

I pulled my legs up onto the couch. "Well, I was raised here in the Springs. I have only been suspended once and that was in third grade. I'm an average student. My friends say that I'm a pretty good writer, but I don't know about that. I love to sing and act, but didn't get much of a chance to act in high-school or elsewhere. I have only had one official boyfriend and sometimes I wish I had gotten to know him as a friend first before I got so serious with him. I'm a Taurus and enjoy a good book in front of the fireplace. I love long walks on the beach, when I can get them. And as far as I know, nothing weird or unusual has ever happened to me, besides blacking out six years ago. Oh, and my favorite number in the alphabet's purple."

Dean chuckled. "Favorite number in the alphabet's purple."

"My brother got that from somewhere, but I have no idea where. Probably from some YouTube channel he watched."

Castiel spoke up. "There are not any numbers in the alphabet, and the color purple is neither a number nor a letter."

"It's a joke, Cas," Dean said, rolling his eyes. He reached over a patted Castiel's arm.

"Oh." Castiel glanced to meet Dean's gaze. I swear I saw a spark fly between them, and they both looked away with a slight grin on both of their faces. It was the time I had seem any emotion touch Castiel's face and go beyond his eyes.

I smiled at the exchange. It was subtle, but I could see it. It reminded me of my parents. At the thought of them, a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Shay, what's wrong?" Dean asked.

I scrubbed away any more tears. "Nothing really. Forget about it."

"Nothing does not make anyone cry," Castiel said.

"Fine." There was no use hiding it. I gestured to Dean and Castiel. "You two just reminded me of my parents for a second. They used to adjust their movements so that they could catch the other's eyes or just to be closer to each other. You two just did that, and I think it was adorable."

Cas's eyes widened and Dean tried to hide the red tinge that was creeping up his cheeks.

Dean cleared his throat. "I've no idea what you are talking about."

Sam and I just looked at them, with a _really?_ look on our faces.

Dean scowled. "It isn't like we are making out in public or making goo-goo eyes at each other. How is it so fucking obvious?"

I laughed. "Little things, Dean. Little things."

Sam turned back to me. "Can we talk to your parents? Maybe them know something that they never told you?"

I shook my head. "They died a couple months ago in a car crash." I reached over and grabbed the picture frame that was on the coffee table. It was the picture of me, my sister, my brothers, and my parents at Disneyland for Momma's birthday, just a few weeks before that nightmare.

Sam looked down. "I'm sorry." Dean and Cas nodded in agreement.

"My condolences for your loss."

"Thanks, Cas." I smiled a little him.

Sam took the picture. "None of you look alike."

"We shouldn't. Momma couldn't have children of her own because of some genetics fluke, so Momma and Dad adopted. I was six months old when they took me home."

Dean looked intrigued. "You're adopted? And that doesn't count as unusual?"

"Yes, I'm adopted," I shrugged. "I don't think of myself as adopted. I couldn't have asked for a better family, and the only thing that we didn't share was blood."

"Family goes beyond blood." Dean smiled sadly. "Do you know who your real parents were?" Sam asked.

"Don't know, don't care. I was abused and abandoned when I was only a few days old." I sneered at the thought. "Whoever my parents were, they didn't even bother to drop me off at the fire station less than a mile away, though I think they wanted me dead. The couple who found me said that I must have been some sort cult sacrifice."

All three were staring intently at me now.

Dean asked, "Why did they think that?"

I sighed and turned my back to the men. "Because of these." I pulled up the back of my shirt to reveal the scars that marred my skin since I was a baby. Pulling my shirt down, I turned back to the group.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "I think that constitutes as unusual."

I hugged myself. "They are all over my chest and stomach, too. I almost died from blood loss. The police couldn't connect any of the symbols to any cult in the area or in the state, and I researched them on my own." Anger swelled in my chest. "Whoever did this to me must have been just sick. They're just random squiggles and lines. They don't mean anything."

"Yes, they do."

I looked at Castiel. "No, they don't. I have researched every sign and symbol. It's all gibberish."

"It's Enochian," Castiel said with a matter of fact voice.

"The language of the angels? All I know about Enochian is that for angelic fangirls, it is like elvish to _Lord of the Rings_ fans."

"What I understand about elvish is that is was a created as a false language, but it was created by a linguist who made it inherently an actual language. Enochian is a true language, spoken since the beginning of time, and is the original language of mankind before the Tower of Babel."

"Beyond the point, you can read it?"

"Of course. Whoever carved those sigils into you wanted you well hidden. They are masking and protection sigils. They are strategically placed to hide your essence, similar to what Sam and Dean have carved into their ribs, but there are some strange variances which make them unique. Whoever did create the markings knew very well what they were doing. Though the sigils across your shoulder blades, I haven't seen any sigil exactly like it, though it bears many similarities to binding sigils."

"I have a similar one across my stomach." I traced the pattern on my shirt. "They are the only ones that still bother me, tingling or burning sometimes. Doctors say that it's normal, since they were the deepest ones and caused permanent nerve damage."

Cas stepped closer. "May I? I wish to see something about the sigils on your back."

Before I could answer, I heard my lock being turned. Sam and Dean jumped up, reaching for their guns. I heard paper rustling and soft swearing. I sighed and opened the door to reveal a heavily laden Claire. I peeked around the paper bags.

"Need a hand?"

"No, I'm totally not about to drop your precious peaches, that were $2.49 a pound just to let you know. I better get a peach cobbler out of this. Oh, and they didn't have the all natural peanut butter you like, so I grabbed some of the really good stuff that you only use for peanut butter balls. Careful, take this one."

I grabbed the most precarious bag and led Claire to the kitchen. Claire happily chatted away totally unaware that she had three strangers staring at her.

"Since it is your big day next week, I made plans with some of the guys and we are going to the Rabbit Hole downtown. Brad asked if he could invite Conner, and I said sure why not 'cuz it's your twenty-first and the more the merrier, right? Maybe we should go shopping before, so we can find something for you to wear besides jeans and those sweatshirts you oh so love. I mean you don't have a single dress in your entire closet, for heaven's sake! You have a gorgeous figure, why not show it off?"

I glanced over her shoulder and cleared my throat.

"What?" Claire turned and gasped. She turned back to me, whispering. "You little vixen! You didn't tell me that you had hunks for friends! Come on introduce me!"

I rolled my eyes. "Claire, these are Detectives Dan Ford and Steve Hamill and their consultant Cas Teal. There was a disturbance last night and they were asking me a few questions."

Claire's eyes widened, then her boy-catcher smile spread across her face. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and held out her hand to Dean.

"Claire Larson."

I couldn't see her face but I knew she was batting her eyes and smiling like a little angel. I felt the room go slightly colder. I glanced over to see Cas looking sterner than usual.

"Dan Ford. How long have you known Ms. Wilson, Ms. Larson?"

Another hair flip. "Please call me Claire, and since high school. We were thick as thieves, still are. Hardly ever saw us apart."

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Claire, but we need to finish up our interview here," Sam cut in.

"Oh, don't mind me. You won't even know I'm here." With that, Claire turned and sashayed to the kitchen with an extra swing in her hips. I sighed and shook my head.

I turned back to the men. "Is there anything else you want to ask me, _detectives_?"

"Nothing that I can think of. Dan?"

"No, I think we have all we need. Can you send us some of those pictures you were talking about? They might be useful." Dean raised his eyebrow to see if I got what he meant.

I nodded. "Yes, I will send them as soon as I can."

Sam, Dean and Cas walked to the door. "Thank you for your time," Sam said. I opened the door and they walked out.

I caught Cas's sleeve and whispered. "She is harmless, Cas. A flirt and nothing more. Once she finds someones she deems better looking, she'll drop Dean like last season's fashion. You don't have to worry." Cas's expression didn't change, but I did feel him relax slightly. Dean reached over with a card in his hand.

"If you think of anything else, please call."

"Thank you."

I shut the door and returned to the kitchen. Claire was bouncing around like a girl on her first date.

"Omigod! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! Dan was totally checking me out! And that Steve guy was so easy on the eyes. That hair. I wonder if it was as soft as it looked, and so tall. Shay!" She grabbed my arms. "You HAVE to invite them to your party! I need another chance to get Dan's number."

"I think he is out of your reach, Claire bear."

"He is not!"

"I think he is."

"Why?"

"Did you seriously not notice Mr. Silent Trenchcoat staring daggers at you?"

Claire was aghast then crestfallen. "How come all the lookers in this town are taken or gay? I seriously need to get out of this state and go to California. Beach boys and movie stars."

"Yup, and earthquakes and fires and traffic and outrageous hot weather."

Claire slapped my arm. "You love the west coast. You grew up there just as much as you did here. Lucky."

"But this is home. Besides didn't you get into CU Denver? You might have to put movie stars and beach boys on the back burner if you get into that shrink course."

"I know. I just want to live before I'm chained to a desk. Unlike you, Ms. Study Abroad. What were you majoring in again?"

"Archaeology and History."

"Right. Maybe you will be the first to uproot the first mummified Bigfoot!" Claire threw her arms in the air in a mock victory dance. "Dr. Shalom Wilson discovers first ever corpse of local legend! Oh, I can see the headlines now."

"Haha, now get over here and help me peel these peaches if you want cobbler."

* * *

 **I have nothing against California! I was born there and love it as much as I love being in Colorado.**

 **Please review! I love hearing what ya'll think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for the choppiness of this chapter. I needed to get some things said and a transition chapter to the coming events.**

 **I do not own Supernatural.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Castiel stared at his hands, deep in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Cas looked up at Dean who had a towel wrapped around his waist, hair still wet from his shower. The Angel looked up at Dean with a concerned look on his face.

"Dean, she had our names carved into her back."

Dean blinked. "Did I just hear you say that a girl we just met, had our" gestures to the air between them "names carved into her back?"

"I believe I spoke clearly, Dean. They were the only two things on her that I saw that weren't protection, binding or concealment sigils."

Dean turned away from his Angel running his hands through his hair.

"Maybe it is message?"

Castiel shook his head. "Only an Angel would know the sigils that were on her back, and neither of us were on Heaven's "bad side" around the time that Shay said she was found."

Both were perplexed. "Maybe," Dean said, "We could do some research and see what the locals say happened around that time."

Castiel nodded. Dean looked at his pensive Angel and kissed his cheek.

"You can worry about whether or not she is a walking bomb waiting for us later. Get some shut eye. You haven't been sleeping lately. "

"Dean, you know very well that I don't sleep, and if I did, you are not giving me much opportunity to do so."

"I haven't heard any complaints yet." Dean grinned mischievously and leaned in to place his lips on Cas's.

His and Dean's relationship and the whole making love thing was still new to Cas, but tonight he felt a little adventurous.

He grasped Dean's shoulder, covering the handprint that still marked their bond to this day. Cas hasn't touched it, at least not like this, since the day he pulled Dean from Hell. Both men hissed as a strange, new warmth spread through them before they attacked each other, ravenous.

* * *

I dreamed again that night, but it was different. I was evil, and Sam and Dean were in almost every vision. I even opened a door that held back some monster so that it would attack Dean.

 _They will kill you just to kill me. They are ruthless killers with no sense of mercy!_

I woke up, and my head was splitting open in pain. I screeched through gritted teeth and clenched my sheets.

Warm fingers touched my forehead. "Be still, child."

The pain left with one final shriek, and I opened my eyes.

Castiel stood by my bed a concerned look on his face.

"Lilith tormenting you?"

"Yeah, she keeps on trying to get me to kill all three of you." I laugh half-heartedly. "Like that is going to happen." I sit up and hug my knees to my chest. "Did Dean get my pictures?"

Cas nodded. "Yes, and I wish to speak to you about some of your scars."

I pat the bed next to me. "Ok, but first I wanna ask you something." Cas sat down and nodded.

"Sam and Dean said that they were Hunters, but you aren't one?"

"Dean calls me an "honorary Hunter" sometimes, but I'm an Angel of the Lord."

I stared at him. "You an Angel?!"

"Yes."

"Where are your wings? And aren't you supposed to be all cute, smiley and "God bless you"?"

A ghost of a smirk shadowed Cas's lips. "Common modern misconception. I'm a soldier of the Heavenly Host, and" I felt a feather brush my cheek "my wings are merely hidden in a plane beyond your vision. As for how I look, this body is a vessel. His name was James Novak."

"Was?"

"His soul passed into Heaven many years back." I saw Cas's face darken. Castiel turned to me. "May I ask my question?"

"Shoot."

"Are any of you scars recent? Any on your back specifically."

I shake my head. "Why do you ask?"

"Two of them are names."

I felt old anger well up in my chest. "Whose names are they?" I ask coldly.

Castiel sighed. "Mine and Dean's."

The silence that followed could've been cut with a knife. I moved away from Castiel. I didn't know if I should be scared or angry.

"You sure?"

"I wouldn't lie about something like this or anything." The Angel stood. "I wanted you to know. Dean, Sam and I are working on deciphering the other sigils. We will let you know if we find anything else. Sleep well, Shay."

He disappeared with what sounded like the fluttering of wings and left me alone in my dark room.

* * *

It was days before I saw or spoke to any of the Hunters again. Claire kept on telling me to invite them to my party, but I kept on saying they were busy.

"Fine, if you aren't going to ask them then, I will got down to the police station and ask them myself."

In a panic, I called Dean in front of her.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Detective Dan, it's Shay Wilson."

"Shay, is something wrong?"

"I'm doing great. I just had a quick question."

"Go ahead." I could hear him reached for whatever weapon was closest to him.

I sighed. "You see I have this friend who is constantly bugging me about inviting you to my party Friday, and I wanted to save her a trip down to the station, so..."

Dean laughed, the tension draining from his voice. "Sam would love to go, but Cas and I have plans earlier that day and might not make it back in time."

"Well then tell Steve that it is at The Rabbit Hole and it starts at eight. Tell him to wear a tie or jacket."

"Will do."

I hung up and turned to Claire. "Happy?"

* * *

Dean hung up his phone and turned to Sam. "Wanna go to a party?"

"Seriously dude, isn't that more up your alley?"

"Come on, Sammy. You have had your nose stuck in that laptop since we got here. You need a little party to liven you up." Dean waggle his eyebrows. "Maybe even get laid."

"Well," Sam ignored his brother's comment, "this nose in the computer has gotten you the address you were looking for."

Dean walked over to the table and looked over his brother's shoulder. "How far is it?"

"In Pueblo, an hour or so south. Maybe you can make it back in time to go flirt with that Claire girl."

"Yeah, and Cas would have my ass if I did, bitch."

"Look at you being faithful for once, jerk." Sam said faking astonishment.

"Shut up."

* * *

 **Please Review! I love hearing what ya'll think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Supernatural...**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Come on, Shay, show it to me," Claire whined.

"It is backless. I'm not wearing it." I took off the dress and reached for my clothes.

"Fine, then try on this one." A dark colored dress was thrown over the top of the dressing room door. "No plunging neckline and a full back."

I groaned as I grabbed the hundredth dress today and looked it over. It had promise. I slipped it on and zipped it up. I looked in the mirror and smiled.

"Ready or not, here I come." I opened the fitting room door and showed off the dress. It covered all my scars and still looked sexy.

Claire lifted up her arms towards the ceiling. "Hallelujah! She approves of a dress!"

We walked out of the store laughing, arms full of bags and shoe boxes. I walked Claire to her car and helped her put in her haul.

"You better not bail on me tomorrow tonight, Shay," she said. "I have a lot of people coming to help you get hammered on your first legal day."

"I won't, I promise. See you then."

Claire drove away and I walked to my car. I reached into my purse to pull out my keys when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I looked around for the source but couldn't find it. I quickly got in my car and started driving away. My eyes were drawn to a man walking into the mall. He glanced at me and a hungry grin spread across his face. My head started to ache and I kept driving.

I made it home and unlocked my front door. I dropped my keys on the table and went to put all my new things down on my bed. I flipped on the light and almost screamed.

The man from the mall was sitting on my bed.

I threw my bags at him and ran for the front door, but I was stopped dead in my tracks. I tried to move, but I was frozen to the spot.

The man walked around so that I could see him.

"Hello, Shay. It is nice to finally meet the woman who is giving my firstborn the hardest time ever."

I couldn't move to get my phone. I was getting really scared and I could feel Lilith getting stronger. I fought her back, and whoever was standing in front of me, was smiling at my struggle.

"Now, now, it isn't so bad to be possessed."

"Go to Hell."

"Rather not. Oh," the man jumped, "I haven't introduced myself, though we did meet the other night. My name is Lucifer." The devil picked up my hand and kissed it like he was a gentleman.

Lilith grinned while my blood ran cold. This was the man who Sam, Dean, and Cas were chasing. The one Lilith had called.

The devil reached over and brushes my cheek with his fingertips. "Lilith, you couldn't have made a better choice. She is beautiful."

"Don't touch me."

Lilith laughed in my head and almost pushed me aside. I gritted my teeth and pushed her back. My fingers curled and straightened at Lilith's whim.

I was losing.

I don't know why, but I silently called out to Cas. He would help. Somehow I knew he would always help.

"Not so fast, sweetheart." Lucifer grabbed my chin and made my eyes meet his. "I don't want my little brother to interru... What have we here?" Lucifer gazed deeper into my eyes, like he was searching out my soul. I felt Lilith squirm under the scrutiny. She didn't know what he was looking for, but it made her extremely uncomfortable.

"It isn't possible." The awe and utter confusion in the devil's voice made me wonder what he found. Next thing I knew, he was tearing away my shirt and bra. I couldn't move to cover myself from his gaze.

But he didn't touch or try to make a move on me, he just stared at my scars. He walked around me to see the scars in my back. He traced marks on my shoulders, looked and found the same one in my front and muttered, "Interesting."

A blanket was thrown over my naked torso, and Lucifer walked to the door.

"Come out of her, Lilith. Find someone else."

I could feel Lilith's groan bubbling to my lips, but it was overwhelmed by the feeling of something trying to force it's way back up my throat. At that moment, I wished for a trash can more than anything. This feeling was worse than dry heaving with the worst stomach flu ever.

I expected something to come out of my mouth, but nothing did. Satan glared.

"Lilith, I command you to leave her."

This time I started renching, but still nothing came out. A frustrated growl sounded inside my head. Lucifer looked intrigued again.

I heard wings and Castiel came into my vision.

"Lucifer."

"Hello there, Castiel. I was just leaving. Have fun with your new toy."

Before I could say that I wasn't anyone's toy, the devil vanished. Castiel paused and turned to me.

"Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head. "But something really weird happened. Isn't a demon supposed to obey Satan's every command?"

"They leap to do his every command just to earn his favor. Why do you ask?"

"Lilith didn't obey."

Castiel blinked. "What?"

"She didn't. He told her to get out of me, and she didn't."

 _It wasn't from lack of trying, bitch._

"Shut up, no one asked you."

Cas looked at me. "Lilith?"

I nod. "Yeah, I can actually hear her. It still hurts, but nothing I can't handle."

 _Looks like we are going to become really good friends._

I roll my eyes at her. _I'm getting you out of me as soon as I find out how._

 _Have fun with that. I don't think anything like this has happened before, so let's see if you can find anything that can help you in this situation._

I sighed. I looked at the Angel in front of me, a hopeful look in my eyes.

"Please tell me you can get her out of me?"

* * *

Twenty-two hours and an entire library of old lore later, we found zilch. Nada. Nothing.

I was about to throw the book I was reading against the wall, when I saw the time.

7:00. My party started in an hour.

"Shit!"

I grabbed my things and bolted for the door. Sam followed close behind me.

"Claire is going to have my ass if I'm late."

"I will meet you down there," Sam said, trying to be the calm one. I took a deep breath. What was the use in panicking? I would get there when I got there, and it was my party for crying out loud. I could be late if I wanted to.

Luckily, I'm not a primper. I was ready to go by 7:30. That left me with a half and hour to make a fifteen minute drive. With downtown Friday night partiers traffic, I left then to make sure I got a parking spot relatively close to the Rabbit Hole.

I rolled my shoulders, trying to ease the ache that had settled between my shoulder blades, as I walked down to my car.

Let the best night of my life begin.

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	5. Chapter 5

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* * *

Dean and Cas walked up to the door of the single story house. The door was answered by an elderly gentleman in his fifties.

"Mr. Allen?"

"May I help you, gents?"

Dean and Cas pulled out their fake CSPD badges. "We are with the CSPD. I'm Detective Ford and this is my consultant Cas Teal. We just have a few questions about the night that you found Shalom Wilson twenty-one years ago. Some new evidence has come up and we are reopening the case."

A woman in her late forties appeared next to her husband. "Please come in. We will help in any way that we can."

Dean and Cas were led to the small living room and motioned to the couch.

Mrs. Allen brought in coffee and settled in the chair next to her husband.

"What new evidence had come up?"

"We were able to discover what some of the carvings on Ms. Wilson's back were," Cas said.

"Can you tell us again what happened the night you found Ms. Wilson?"

"Everything should be the report," Mrs. Allen pointed out.

"Yes, but we need to ask you again for procedural purposes."

Mr. and Mrs. Allen nodded and started recounting the night.

"We had gotten lost while going home from a hike and our tire blew out."

"Steve got out to change the tire when he heard what sounded like a baby crying. We found little Shalom hidden in the bushes not far from us."

They both shifted and looked at each other. "No one was around, and Shalom was so bloody that we figured that she was abused at and abandoned to die."

Dean scribbled his notes. "Was there anything unusual happening when you found her? Strange noises? Sudden cold spots? Unexplainable lights?"

Mr and Mrs Allen looked at each other again and shook their heads.

"You sure?"

Mrs Allen looked down and sighed. "It has been twenty-one years, Steve. I don't see a reason to keep it a secret now."

"We said we wouldn't tell."

This piqued Castiel's interest. "Did something else happen that night?"

* * *

The Rabbit Hole was loud, smoky and hot. I couldn't take much more. I had as much fun as I could at a party, my back was killing me and now all I wanted to do was go home.

"Hey, birthday girl! Having fun?" I turned to find Claire standing behind me with two shots in her hands.

"No more, Claire. You have already made me do six drinks tonight."

"Too bad. Tradition dictates that you have to do twenty-one drinks on your twenty-first. I made it to eight and passed out, but I'm a complete light weight. You have to beat me, or else I will never let you live it down."

I sighed in defeat and rolled my shoulders to ease the pain. I grabbed both shots and threw them back. The buzz dulled some of the pain.

Claire widened her eyes. "One of those was mine."

* * *

Dean and Cas were driving back to the Springs in silence. They hadn't expected what they had just heard. They had just gone to where Shay had been found to confirm what they had been told.

Cas was scowling, deep in thought. "There has been no Angel activity here for decades. I don't understand how this could have happened. We would've sensed it."

"And nothing has slipped past the all-knowing angel-radar before?"

"You don't understand, Dean. Time travel has a distinct disturbance. Any Angel within a thousand miles would have felt the shift."

"Well maybe whoever was on time travel watch was on a coffee break. What is more important here is finding who did the jumping."

Cas sighed. "You are right, Dean, and I apologize that I wasn't able to sense any Angel that I knew from what was left of the rift."

"It's alright, Cas. You did what you could."

The impala roared down the back roads of Colorado, it's occupants unaware that they were being watched.

* * *

I beat Claire by six shots, then called it quits. The alcohol wasn't helping the pain anymore. I saw Sam standing at the bar talking with the bartender. I started walking towards him, but didn't make it far. My vision blurred and my back felt like it was being torn to shreds. I hit backs, knees elbows and feet as I went down. No one noticed me on the ground and continued dancing around or on me.

All I could hear was the pounding of my heart. Everyone was moving so slowly. I couldn't breath.

* * *

Dean saw Cas double over.

"Cas!"

Dean yanked the impala to the side of the road and reached out to Cas.

"Talk to me! What's wrong?" Dean was frantic. Cas was just fine a few moments ago. His Angel was groaning through clenched teeth.

"Shay..." Cas didn't understand. How could he possibly know she was in trouble? He hadn't heard her pray or summon him. He just knew.

Dean yanked open his phone and dialed Sam.

* * *

Sam felt his phone vibrate. It was Dean.

"Hey Dean. What's-"

 _"Where is Shay?"_

Sam straightened at his brother's tone. "Dean, what's wrong?"

 _"Where the fuck is Shay?!"_ Sam heard his brother talking to Cas on the other end. Concern and worry were clearly heard over the phone.

"She's here at the club with me. She's-"

When Sam looked up to where he had last seen me, I wasn't there. Sam hung up and pushed his way through the crowd, looking for me. He couldn't find me. He frantically asked anyone if they had seen me, but they were all too drunk to be of any help. He was about to panic even more when he nearly tripped over something. He looked down to see me curled into a ball, shaking and crying. Sam picked me up and started carrying me out.

Claire stopped us. "Evening detective!" she shouted over the music. "Enjoying yourself?" Then my best friend noticed Sam was carrying me."What's wrong with Shay?"

Sam forced a smile. "She just had too much to drink. I'm taking her home."

Claire looked suspiciously at Sam. "If you do anything to her, I will have your badge."

Sam nodded quickly and hurried up the stairs. Outside, the younger Winchester heard me whimpering for the pain to stop. He had almost made it to his rental, when I convulsed and he felt something move against his arm under my skin. A scream escaped my lips.

Sam quickly put me into the car and sped out of downtown. His phone rang.

"I got her, Dean, and it isn't good."

 _"What happened?"_

"If don't know, Dean. She was fine, then she collapsed on the ground." My back burned and I contorted again, screaming in pain.

 _"What the fuck is happening?!"_

"I don't know, Dean! She is in pain, that is all I know."

 _"How far are you from her apartment?"_

"Fifteen minutes."

Sam heard Cas say not soon enough. _"What street are you on?"_

Sam checked. "Cascade just passing the library." He heard wings and I was gone.

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	6. Chapter 6

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* * *

Cas laid me onto my bed and pressed a hand to my head.

"Shay, I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong."

I barely heard him. He wasn't letting me roll off my back. It hurt so much. I felt the shift again. The pain was worsening. Tears ran down my face as I arched my back.

"Please!" I sobbed. "Make it stop!" Cas covered my mouth to stifle another scream. I took the opportunity to roll into my side, and the shifting started again. I bit my lip so hard that it bled.

Cas saw the movement under my dress and quickly unzipped it. My back, especially my shoulders, were an angry red. He touched my bare skin and pain raced through my body.

I was pushed over onto my stomach. Cas turned my head to look into his. His deep blue eyes helped calm me down.

"You are going to be fine, Shay." His hand ran over my hair, like a parent soothing a sick child.

I nodded slightly, wincing as the shifting started again. I could feel whatever was under my skin trying to to break free. I closed my eyes against the pain and screamed into my pillow. I felt cool metal touch my back. I looked over to see Castiel holding a blade against my skin.

"Does that hurt, Shay?"

I shake my head. Cas nodded and disappeared. He came back with a bowl and a rag. He placed them on my nightstand and picked up the blade again. Kneeling next to me, Cas placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I need you to stay still, Shay."

I was scared. It must've shown in my eyes because Cas gave me a slight comforting smile. "Everything will be fine."

I hugged my pillow and buried my face into it. I felt the blade dig into my shoulder and drag slowly down. I nearly blacked out from pain, then the same thing was repeated with my other shoulder. I bit my pillow as the darkness claimed me.

* * *

I came to with the feeling of cool water brushing my back. The shifting stopped, but my shoulders felt strangely heavier, like a small pile of books was stacked on them. I sighed and turned to the extra weight on my bed.

Cas had some blood on his sleeves and arms and he was running the cool rag around my shoulders.

"You are awake. How are you feeling?"

I try and push myself up, but Cas held me down. "Don't move yet. I asked how you were feeling?"

"The pain is gone."

"Good. The holy water is healing your skin well."

"What was wrong with me? I haven't felt that much pain, in like ever."

"And for good reason. Look what was being confined in your body." He nodded to my back. I craned my neck around and gasped.

A pair of damp wings lay nestled against my spine. I reached back to touch one of the feathers. The wing I reached for moved towards my hand. I saw a few feathers that were quite straight and felt a little uncomfortable. I started to straighten them and waves of, I guess I could call it pleasure, raced through me. It was a pleasant and comforting feeling. If I was a cat, I would have purred.

"They will become less sensitive in a few days," Cas said, placing the bowl aside. "So try to not bump them up against anything until then."

I finished preening the feathers. Curious, I looked at Cas. "Am I an Angel?"

Castiel's brow furrowed. "I'm unsure. I cannot sense a Grace within you."

"Oh." An Angel, who probably knew every creature under the sun had no idea what I was. I felt self-conscious. I felt tears gather at the corners of my eyes. Now I was a freak with scars _and_ wings. As if hiding my scars wasn't hard enough, now I had to hide maybe ten feet of feathers, and I knew they weren't just going to fit under a sweatshirt.

The pounding on my front door made me jump out of my pity party. Cas stood up and went to answer it. After he left, I pushed myself upright. My wings felt lighter that I thought they would. I looked at the mirror that hung on my closet door to get a better look at my wings.

They shimmered and changed colors in the light, but I could see that under the color change the down that rested against my back was a deep purplish-blue that faded out to a pinkish-orange color towards the tips, like a sunset. Completely outstretched, they might be closer to fifteen feet from tip to tip. Looking closer, I found silver and gold flecks sprinkled along the feathers. They were beautiful.

I ran my fingers through the feathers again. A sharp intake of breath made me jump. My wings flailed out, knocking into a lamp and the walls.

"Shit!" The sudden pain made me draw them back in close. Cas wasn't kidding when he said they would be sensitive. I gathered them against my back and stood up. The slight weight difference made me fall backwards. I squeaked and landed with a "oof" back in the bed.

I looked at Cas. "How do you keep your balance with these things?"

"I have had my wings since I was a decade old. I have millennia of practice under my wings."

Sam and Dean looked at Cas. Dean smirked and put an arm over the Angel's shoulders. "Did you just make a joke?"

Cas tilted his head. "Was it appropriate?"

"It was fucking brilliant, Cas. My little Angel is growing up."

I tried standing up again. I pushed to my feet and used my wings to try and balance. I knocked them up against the walls and bed posts twice, but I was standing on my own. I looked at Cas expectantly.

"Can I hide them them way you do?"

The Angel shook his head. "My wings are concealed by the power of my Grace."

When Cas mentioned his Grace, I felt a strange hollowness in my chest. Now that I had my wings, I felt strangely incomplete, like a part of me was missing.

"What about the binding sigil on her stomach?" Sam asked. "Since the ones on her shoulders bound her wings, maybe the one on her stomach is binding her Grace."

Just thinking about a hidden power being bound within me, made me shudder. I didn't know how to control it. For all I knew I could accidentally blow half of the Springs off the map with a sneeze!

"A Grace that has been bound for twenty _-_ one years with no training or release is dangerous. Just releasing it could have disastrous effects. Even releasing it in the middle of the Sahara could be dangerous, not to mention it would make every Angel aware of Shay, and whoever wanted her hidden, will more than likely stop us."

"When Anna took back in her Grace, the world didn't explode, Cas," Dean said pointedly.

"But that Grace was able to create and move, for lack of a better word. Shay's potential Grace has been confided inside of her body with no release."

Then the three men started discussing what should happen like I wasn't there. This was my life. I wasn't going to let them decided what was best for me. I weighed out the pros and cons.

Pro: a Grace can be controlled with time and training. Con: I will not have the time to get the training I needed.

Pro: with this new Grace, I might be able to get Lilith out of me. Con: Grace might make Lilith stronger.

Pro: ...

This was pointless! No matter how many pros I could think of, a worse con came up. Screw logical thinking, I needed to know what I am and what I can do. I spied the silver knife that Cas had used to free my wings. He said the Sahara wasn't safe, maybe Antarctica? It was abandoned and there is nothing for hundreds of miles and an ocean protects civilization from my potential explosion.

 _How would you get there, oh genius one?_

I slump. Another con in the way.

 _Thanks a lot, Lilith._

 _It is my job to make your existence a living nightmare._

I roll my eyes, and caught a glimpse of something flying by my window. I felt my wings twitch. A sudden urge to fly hit me.

"What's the matter, Shay? You are twitching a lot over there." Sam walked over to me and put a hand in my shoulder. I fought to keep my wings in, but I wanted to spread them even more.

A second hand rested on my shoulder and I wasn't in my room any more. I was in the middle of nowhere on top of a rock cliff. I could see the sun peeking over the horizon. A breeze blew past us. I let my wings spread enough to let the wind run through my feathers. I closed my eyes and hummed in pleasure.

"It is uncontrollable sometimes. The urge to soar above it all." I turned to Cas and gasped. I thought my wings were large, but I was wrong. Cas's wings were easily twenty-five feet from tip to tip. What surprised me was that they were pitch black, so black that I saw blue and purple glimmering in the feathers. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and gently touching a dark feather.

"They're beautiful."

Cas just smiled slightly and took my hand. "I thought a flying lesson was in order, and it is easier to teach you if I can show you what to do."

I grinned, but then something crossed my mind. "Sam and Dean are going to be pissed when we get back."

"Oh?"

"Well, we did just up and disappear on them." Cas looked at me with a confused look. "You guys were talking about me and the dangers and blahdy-blah, so yeah I'm expecting them to be pissed."

Cas smiled. "They already are. Dean has been yelling for me since we disappeared."

I giggled at the picture of Dean mentally and physically yelling at the ceiling, trying to summon them back.

"Shall we start?" I nod enthusiastically.

* * *

One would think that flying would be easy. Tell that to my sore ass and stomach. Two hours later, everything ached. My knees and hands were scraped beyond belief, my party dress was ruined, and I still couldn't get two feet off the fucking ground!

Cas flew us back to my apartment and before either Winchester brother could say a word, I sent them a death glare.

"If anyone dares enter my room in the next hour, I have a loaded 9mm in the table by my bed and won't hesitate to shoot said asshole through their fucking brains!"

I slammed the door and stomped to my shower.

Sam and Dean looked at Cas.

"Where did you fly off to?" Dean demanded.

"If she had been in the room another minute, she would've jumped out the window to try and fly. I took her to a safe area where I could teach her and catch her, if necessary."

Sam raised an eyebrow and looked at my door. "I take it the lesson didn't go well."

Cas sighed and collapsed on the couch. "No, it didn't. An Angel's wings are an extension of their Grace. Yes, they will have physical form, but if our Grace is severely depleted or bound in Shay's case, we can't stay airborne for more than a few minutes at most and we can't go great distances. We are subject to gravity as well."

"So," Dean cut in, "you are basically saying no Grace, no flying?"

"In simple terms, yes."

"YOU COULD'VE FUCKING TOLD ME THAT BEFORE I BECAME THE WORLD'S LAUGHING STOCK!"

The men turned to find me standing in my bedroom door. I was furious. I had given my all and Cas knew that it wouldn't have been enough. I had made an utter fool of myself. I opened my mouth to yell some more, but Cas pressed two fingers to my forehead and I fell asleep.

Cas placed me on my bed and closed the door.

"Dean, have you told Sam what the Allens told us?"

Dean nodded. "I told him while you two were having a flying lesson."

"Now we just need to find her."

* * *

A soft hand caressed my cheek. "You don't need to fear your Grace. It won't harm anyone, but you need to wait until the time is right. It is soon, Shay. You must be ready."

I heard the flutter of wings and opened my eyes. My window was open and no one was there. I used my wing to push the window closed. I turned, wrapped myself in my wings and fell back asleep.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Now things start to go a little haywire...**

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* * *

Something had changed. I opened my eyes and sat up. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was different. I pulled on my jeans and reached for some scissors. I cut an old t-shirt's back, and took the ten minutes to wrestle all four appendages through the correct holes. At least I didn't have to maim or MacGyver one of my bras.

Lilith hummed in my head, making it ache. Coffee would sate her for a while.

I found only Cas in my kitchen. He was just staring at nothing, a frightened look on his face. I said his name, but he just kept staring. It was when I finally put my hand on his shoulder that he looked at me.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas shook his head. "With all that has happened, I didn't notice." Despair filled the Angel's face. "I'm an abomination."

The stoic Angel crumpled to the ground. I didn't know what to do, so I sat down on the floor next to him. I tenderly touched his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?"

Cas's muttered something under his breath. I don't think he meant for me to hear, but I did.

"Killing yourself isn't the answer."

"It is the only way to make this right."

"I'm sure Dean will disa-"

"Dean can't know. I know exactly what he would say and do. I would rather kill myself by cutting off my wings and jumping off a cliff than tell him."

I was speechless. This was much more serious than I thought. From what I had seen, there was absolute trust between the Hunter and the Angel.

"Is Dean part of the problem?"

"In a way, yes, but this shouldn't have happened, and it has because of me."

Not understanding what he was talking about, I took a good look at Cas. He was wrapped around himself. His hair was more ruffled than usual, but he looked normal.

"Cas, what had happened? I can't help if you don't tell me."

Cas curled into a tighter ball. He looked like a small child trying to hide from punishment.

"I'm having a . . . a child."

My jaw hit the ground. It wasn't possible! I probably looked like a gaping fish, my eyes wide and mouth open.

"But you're a guy!"

"Angels do not have gender, and I'm not carrying it like a human does exactly. When an Angel carries a fledgling, it is contained within its parent's Grace."

That made sense, but I was thoroughly confused on why Cas was so distressed. "What is wrong with becoming a parent? You should be happy."

Cas shook his head violently. "Not this... this child!" Cas spat out the word like it was poison. I was taken aback. Cas was disgusted with his condition.

"Why?"

"It is Nephilim."

A sense of dread and fear filled me. I knew Nephilim were supposed to be evil, but something told me otherwise.

"Aren't Nephilim half human?" Cas nodded. "Then does that mean... You and Dean... you know..." I knew they were close, but that wasn't the close I had in mind.

"Yes, frequently lately. Dean can be insatiable at times."

I tried really hard not to think about what these two do in bed, but I blame my addiction to yaoi for some of the images that came to mind.

"But," Cas continued, "this could only happen if my Grace were to touch his soul or the other way around, which I'm certain hasn't happened since I pulled him from Hell." Cas thought hard, then shook his head. "Regardless, it has happened and being Dean, he would accept it regardless of the evil and chaos it would create."

A sting of sadness and despair filled my chest. This felt wrong. Any parent should be ecstatic upon learning they are having a baby, but Cas is acting like he is carrying the next Hitler.

"You are wrong."

I looked at Cas with a hopeful gaze, while he looked at me with fear and confusion. I don't know how I knew that, but my gut told me that he was wrong. That this child was different.

"You're wrong, Castiel. This baby can't possibly be evil. You and Dean are wonderful, kind people. There is no way that your baby can be evil."

Cas dropped his head to his knees. "You weren't there when the original Nephilim were born. I had so many brothers and sisters believe what you just said, but each of their offspring sowed chaos and fear wherever they went. We couldn't kill them, Father wouldn't allow it. We were able to restrain their power to an extent, to keep them from destroying more than they already have, but they still cause as much trouble as any other monster."

I shook my head. "This one is different. I can feel it."

Just then, the front door opened. I saw that it was Sam and Dean with breakfast. I looked back to Cas, but he was gone.

"Think about what I said, Cas," I prayed.

* * *

We didn't hear from Cas for a month. The brothers moved me to a safe house in the middle of South Dakota. It was their friend Bobby's house.

I liked Bobby. Under that gruff, surly mask, he was a big teddy bear with a soft spot for Sam, Dean and a whiskey bottle. I tried that "Hunter's juice" the guys were constantly drinking, and never again will I drink that gasoline. Dean laughed and said that it didn't taste right to me because I wasn't a Hunter.

In the month that Cas was gone, I practiced gliding off the piles of cars and junk, and I was getting pretty good at it.

It was a usual day. I got bored of research and my wings were itching to get some air, so I left the guys to their dusty books. I was practicing getting airborne when I heard a loud plop and saw a winged pig trying to do what I was doing. I fell back on my ass in surprise.

"The resemblance is striking, isn't it?" I turned to find a short blond man leaning on a car pile, sucking on a lollipop. "Yearning to soar but it can't seem to get its fat ass off the ground."

My face felt hot from embarrassment and anger. "Who asked for your opinion?" I stood up and brushed off my jeans.

"No one, but I always like to give my ten cents worth." The pig disappeared and the man walked up to me. "I'm looking for Castiel."

"Who's asking?"

"Gabriel?"

Sam stood not far from the newcomer with a look of shock on his face.

"Hey Samsquatch!" I never thought a grown man's voice could crack. "You haven't seen baby brother lately have you?"

The new guy, Gabriel, looked away shaking slightly. Sam said nothing. He just stared, and I swear I saw tears of joy well up in his eyes. Gabriel looked back to Sam with a look I have only seen on a puppy that was begging. Sam took a few steps towards the newcomer before the blond guy was hanging off his neck, crushing his lips to Sam's. I slowly backed off towards the house to give the two some space.

* * *

Sam's arms might as well as been iron shackles around Gabe waist. Deep down he knew the Gabriel had been alive the entire time, but actually seeing the Archangel, feeling the smaller body against his, tasting his sugar coated lips had taken Sam's head for a spin.

God, how he had missed Gabe.

It was a few minutes before both of them came up for air, panting. Gabe nestled his head into Sam's shoulder.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too. I prayed it more than a few times."

"Two million, five hundred eighty-five thousand, eight hundred and forty-two times, but who's counting?"

Sam pulled away slightly so they were eye to eye.

"Why didn't you come back?"

Gabriel said nothing. He slid down to the ground and walked a short distance away.

"I wanted you to live your life. To find some hot girl, get hitched, have a couple brats, grow old and fat, and die."

"Why?" Sam crossed his arms seeing where this was going, but Gabriel didn't say anything else. The Winchester walked to the Angel and reached for his hand.

"Is it because I'm human? Because I will die?"

Gabriel turned away, crossing his arms, giving Sam his answer. Anger welled up into Sam's chest.

"What if I didn't want that anymore? What if I wanted to spend my time loving you? I gave up any chance of having a normal life years ago. Why gives you the right to say that you aren't enough for me? For all of my life, I have had to live to save others, living for my family and friends who had died, but screw that! I, for this one part of my life I want to be selfish. I choose to be with you, Gabriel. I love you and nothing is going to change that."

Gabriel wanted to cover his ears and drown out the confession. He didn't want to ruin the special thing that had come to grow between him and the Winchester, like he did with everything else, but the words just made him so happy, soothing his fears and doubts while creating new ones. After everything he had done, torturing or tricking this human, Sam still loved him and would still choose him over a normal life.

Sam wrapped his hand around the back of the Angel's neck and pressed their lips together. Gabe pushed his tongue into Sam's mouth, licking the top of the Winchester's mouth. The kiss grew instantly heated. Sam's hand played with the hem of Gabe's shirt, touching the soft, firm skin beneath, but Gabe stopped him and broke the kiss.

Seeing the hurt look on Sammy's face, Gabe pecked the end of Sam's nose.

"Rain check, Samsquatch. Now where is Castiel and who was the wannabe bird?"

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	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you ILoveBeingABookworm, JediCat1965, Nightwing96, and hinata95 for following and Siery for favoriting!**

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* * *

I opened the front door and headed to the living room. Dean and Bobby were researching for their latest case somewhere in New Jersey. Dean looked up when I collapsed into a chair.

"How was flying?"

"I don't really even know why I try. I never get more than a few feet off the ground, but gliding is getting better."

Bobby snorted a response. Dean looked around.

"Where's Sam? Did he find you?"

"Yes, but not before I got put on par with a winged pig. Right now, he is tongue sparing with a short blond guy named Gabriel. I didn't want to see anything that might scar me for life, so I came back here."

Bobby and Dean reached their shotguns and made sure they were loaded, but didn't leave.

"Twenty bucks says they won't be comin' back 'til tomorrow," Bobby said going back to his book.

"Gabe wouldn't come back from "the dead" without a reason. I give them an hour or two."

"Um, I'm a little lost here," I butted in.

Dean glanced at me. "Sammy has thought Gabriel, an Archangel and Cas's big brother, has been dead for ... damn, years now. This" gestured between him and Bobby "is us betting how long it is going to take them to have angry, then make up sex."

"EW! TMI!"

"You asked," Bobby pointed out.

"About who Gabriel was and what happened between him and Sam, not what you two were betting on!"

My avoidance of scarring for life just went down the drain. Thanks to Bobby and Dean, I now couldn't get the image of Sam and Gabriel doing _it_ out of my mind. I needed serious mind bleach. I was about to storm off when Gabriel and Sam appeared in the middle of the room, fully clothed and not too ruffled.

"Hey Deano! How you doing, Bobby? Still soul searching?"

"Crowley gave it back, so don't be bringin' it back up, idjit."

Gabriel grinned. "So, where is Casie? He always isn't very far from you lot."

"We haven't seen him in a month," Bobby said.

"He hasn't sent a text or called or anything." I could heard the distress in Dean's voice.

"What did you do, Dean?" Gabe asked, becoming very serious. "The only reason he would fall off the face of Dad's earth is that you hurt him badly."

"Things were going great. We were happy."

 _I'm having . . . having a child. Yes, Dean is the father._

I bit my lip and turned to leave.

"You know something."

I stiffened at Gabriel's words. "I don't know anything," I lied. I couldn't tell them, it wasn't my place.

"Yes, you do. Tell us." I shivered at the power and ice in the Angel's voice. Something about it made me want to obey.

"I- I can't say. I promised I wouldn't tell."

I looked up to find an angry Dean in front of me. "He could be hurt or in danger! And you won't say anything because you promised?! Well, I hate to break it to you, Shay, but Cas isn't fucking here and you are the only one who knows what the fuck is going on!"

I winced at the words, but didn't budge. I looked at Gabriel, hoping to get the attention away from me. "Why do you need Cas?"

Gabriel sighed. "Heaven is recalling all its soldiers for a hunt, one that I do not approve of no matter how much I hate the bastards."

A cold fear grew in the pit of my stomach. "Who are you hunting?"

"That is none of your concer-"

"Gabriel, who the fuck are you hunting?" I said with a power I didn't know I had.

Gabriel looked at me with amazement. "The order has come for the Angels to hunt down the Nephilim, and wipe them from the face of this world."

I collapsed to the ground, fear crushing my very being. I started babbling.

"Don't look for him. Don't try to summon him. It is safer for the both of them if you just let him hide."

Silence followed my plea. I was shaking. I couldn't help but feel the need to run and hide in the deepest, darkest hole I could find, or find some way to defend myself. My Grace, yeah, I could use my Grace to defend myself.

"Did you just say "both of them"?" Bobby asked.

I felt all the blood run from my face. It had slipped out. I hadn't meant for it to, but now they all could put the pieces together. I curled into a ball and wrapped my wings around me. I waited for the demands. I was surprised to feel fingers preening my right wing. I peaked out to see Gabriel straightening my feathers.

He caught my eyes. I saw worry in his eyes. "About how long?"

No use in lying now. "Maybe a month, maybe a little longer. Cas was so scared and disgusted with himself. He was convinced that it was evil, but I just know that it isn't. I told him as much."

Gabriel stared at me like I had told him that dogs have kittens, then stood up. "We don't have much time. Heaven has their best trackers looking for any hint of Nephilim Grace, which means Cas is in serious danger."

Dean had since collapsed into a nearby chair. The realization of what had happened had taken him completely off guard.

"We are going to need to summon him here," Gabriel announced. He rattled off a list of things for Bobby and Sam to get while he started placing warding on the house. I went and sat next to the new expectant father.

"Why? Why didn't he tell me? We could've gotten through this. I wouldn't have been mad or anything." The pain and anger was clear in his voice.

I place a hand on Dean's knee. "It wasn't like he didn't want to tell you. Cas was scared. Millennia of bias made him believe he was carrying an evil thing. He knew you would protect it, and he wasn't sure if it should be protected. He was scared that it would hurt you. I told him that with you two as its parents, there is no way that it can be evil."

This got a small smile out of Dean. He placed an arm around my shoulders and hugged me.

"You misrepresented me, Shay. I originally said that I would rather cut off my wings and jump off a cliff than tell Dean about our child. You made me sound like I was afraid of being rejected."

Dean and I whipped around to find Cas standing in the front door, arms crossed. Dean was across the room and pulling Cas into his arms before I could stand up. Dean buried his head into Cas's neck, and Cas gripped Dean's shirt tightly.

"I'm sor-" Cas's apology was cut off by Dean's lips covering his.

It was starting to get a little awkward, so I made for the door.

"Sit your ass back down, Shay." I plopped back down on the couch and waited out this very awkward moment. I hugged a pillow and prayed for someone to save me.

"Alright, Dean. I think you have lectured her enou- Castiel! Where the hell have you been?!"

Gabriel launched himself at the two and was able to pull Cas away from Dean, who wasn't very happy about that.

"You can't just up and disappear like that. Balthy and I were worried sick! Not to mention that Raphael is doing his damnedest to paint you as the most cowardly deserter. I was running out of excuses and reasons."

Castiel looked down in guilt. "I'm sorry. I just needed time to straighten my thoughts." He turned to me. "Thank you for your words, Shay. It took me a little while, but what you said was true, and for that, thank you."

I smiled. "I'm glad that I could help."

* * *

Everyone came and left in the next few hours: gathering supplies, ammunition and other things. Cas and Dean disappeared for a little while, but nobody went to look for them. We all knew that they were setting some things straight.

Gabriel didn't say anything, but I could tell that he was watching me. I knew why. I was a girl with wings and a bound Grace. He probably knew that I wasn't an Angel, which left a very short list of what I could possibly be, by my research. At the very top of that list was the one thing that was putting us all in danger.

In my research, I found that Grace is also knowledge. I asked Bobby what that meant he said that Angels remember everything from the moment that they are created, and those memories are stored in their Grace.

"So when… if I release my Grace, I will probably remember who my parents are?"

"If you saw their faces, yeah, and also you may find out why they carved the sigils into you."

The dreams started the night Cas returned. What was so weird about them is that I would wake up in tears, in pain, covered in sweat, but I wouldn't remember what I dreamed about, but a soft lullaby always rang in my ears, soothing me.

Days, then weeks passed. I was getting cabin fever, but I couldn't go outside without being found by Angels or what not. Lilith still annoyed me to Hell and back, but we have gotten to a little more of an understanding. I found that I can shove her in a mental box, and she doesn't like it. So, if she keeps the pain and attempted takeovers to nonexistent, then she doesn't spend the entire time in the box.

What was even funnier was when Gabriel found me chatting with Lilith, so inherently to myself.

"Just because I'm civil to you, doesn't mean that I won't take the first opportunity to kick you out of me."

 _Nope, I think you are actually coming to like me._

I snorted. "Yeah right. Like I would love to have a blood thirsty demon stuck for eternity in my head."

"You have _what_ stuck for eternity in your head?"

Gabriel stood above me with a very concerned look on his face.

 _Why hell-o, Loki. Don't you recognize me? Well I have taken a new look since we last saw each other. You haven't changed a bit. Surely you remember our time in Paris? You were such the rebel then, running from Daddy. Kali and I enjoyed your company immensely._

A very raunchy image of a three way came to mind that made me gag.

"Please keep your memories to yourself," I muttered. I looked up at Gabriel. "So what is this about Paris, _Loki_?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Darling, you have to be a little more..." His voice drifted off as he figured it out. "Please don't tell me that-"

"Lilith and I are sharing lodging until I can find some way to kick her out." I picked up a book and pretended to read. "Does Sam know about your thousands of years of philandering?" I looked over the pages. Gabriel reddened and turn away.

"Yea, but we don't mention it."

 _Oh, I can't wait to get my hands on him. Can you go to bed early tonight? Maybe even leave the dungeon keys in an open area?_

"Just to give you fair warning. Lilith likes to take over when I sleep sometimes, so make sure your door is locked. She knows where the chains and whips are."

 _Killjoy._

This made Gabriel perk up. "Bobby has chains and whips?" I could hear the scheming in his head. Great, now I had to warn Sam.

Cas walked into the room and I smiled at him. "How you doing?"

"Strangely well. Dean seems to be rather amused by the fact that I'm sporting a "baby bump"."

I glanced at the Angel's waistline which was quite rounded for only being two months along.

"How much longer?"

Cas shook his head. "No idea."

I was confused. "But I thought there were other Nephilim around?"

"Yes there are," Cas said, sitting down, "but this is the first time the Nephilim has been carried by an Angel. All the other Nephilim were carried by their human mothers."

I thought about it for a second. "What about angelic pregnancies? You told me that Angels carry the child in their Grace, so there must be some info there?"

Gabriel sighed. "Not much. They are rare, and I mean extremely rare. No Angel likes to get that close to one of their brethren. When it did happen, that Angel is taken away until the fledgling is born. I can count on one hand how many times an Angel has been pregnant."

I heard a distant pain in Gabe's voice and was about to ask when Cas paled, his hand flying to his stomach. Gabe and I were at his side in an instant.

"Cas, what's wrong?" I was so scared.

"I don't know. This feeling has never happened before."

I placed my hands over his."Everything is going to be-" I was cut off by a slight movement under my hands. "Can you move you hands for a second?"

I gently set my palm against Cas's stomach. I smiled when I felt it again.

"Dean! Get in here!" I yelled over my shoulder. I smiled at the two Angels who were looking at me scared.

"Shay, what's wrong? Is Cas okay?" Dean still had a smudge of toothpaste on the corner of his mouth. I smiled and waved him over. I took his hand and put it on Cas's stomach in place of mine.

"Just wait."

I saw the confusion then the awe cross his face. He smiled at Cas, who was still very scared.

"Dean, what is going on? Is something wrong with the baby?"

Dean kissed Cas. "Everything is perfect. Our baby is just stretching that is all."

"So that is normal?" Cas asked. I nod.

"Fledglings never move before birth." I turned to Gabriel. He was staring out the window. "Sometimes you even forget you're even carrying them."

Some pieces fell into place. I knew the Archangel just a little bit better now.

Dean changed positions so that Cas's could lean against him. I smiled when I saw a small hand or foot press against Cas's skin. I touched the small spot. A soft lullaby bubbled to my lips. The words alluded me, but the melody came to my lips in a hum. I saw Cas's relax and the baby settled down.

* * *

 **And things start to go downhill... dun dun DUH!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you inagaddadavita for following!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

A cosmic boom made the entire house shake, halting my humming. Bobby and Sam came rushing in and I raced to the window where Gabe was standing. A flock of Angels stood just outside the warding lines. A large black Angel stepped forward.

"Castiel, we demand that you hand over the abomination!" The voice was loud enough to be heard for miles. Cas and Dean huddled together, covering their unborn child protectively.

"We know it is in there. Our scouts have seen it pathetically trying to fly."

I realized that he was talking about me, not Cas's baby. Maybe they didn't even know. Cas's Grace could be shielding it from the angel-radar. No, they were sensing the baby, not me, but they have only seen me. I looked around to everyone in the room.

"If you do not send it out immediately, we will have no choice but to destroy the entire building with everyone inside."

I had no choice. Standing up, I prepared to turn myself in, but I was too late. Gabriel had zapped himself outside.

"Hello, Uriel."

"Gabriel. Why doesn't it surprise me that you are here?"

The Archangel shrugged. "Wrong place, wrong time. I was just swinging by when you and your band of flying monkeys swooped in. You are here for the wannabe bird? We aren't even sure if she is Nephilim. From what I have been told, her wings and Grace were bound. For all we know she could be a trapped Angel."

He was protecting me. I would slap him later for the "wannabe bird" comment, but I couldn't help but feel relief.

Uriel laughed. "I can feel the abomination's corrupted Grace from here. I doubt that you haven't felt it, bound or not. Now, stop stalling, and send it out or we will wipe this pathetic lot from the face of Father's earth."

I really hated being called an "it". I had a name and I would not watch my friends be killed for my sake. I walked to the door but was stopped. Sam forcibly turned me around.

"You are not going out there!"

"Yes, I'm. You all protected me, now it is my turn to return the favor. And," I lowered my voice to a barely audible whisper, "if they called just me out, then they must not know about Cas. If I go, they will stop sniffing around here. Cas and the baby will be safe for a little while longer until you can figure out how to hide the baby's Grace." I looked at everyone. "I can buy you all some more time. It is something I can do besides knocking over bookcases with my wings and twiddling my thumbs."

I raised my voice to normal levels. "Be safe everyone. I'll send you a postcard." I slapped a smile on my face, doing my best to hid my fear.

 _Let me out! I can beat these buzzards ba-_

"No, it will only put everyone else in danger."

I opened the door to my grim future. Gabriel looked worse than I probably did. He was looking at me, but he was seeing someone else. I folded my wings to walk through the door. Gabe caught the back of my head and pulled us close so that his mouth was right against my ear.

"We will find you and get you out of whatever pit they put you in, if they don't kill you right away."

The Archangel's last words broke the last barrier that held back my tears. I gripped his arm and let my tears run free.

"I'm scared."

"I'm know, Shay." He pulled away from me and snapped his fingers. My tears were instantly gone. "Keep your strong face on. Show these flying monkey suits that look you gave me when I called you a flying pig."

"You _compared_ me to a flying pig, not called me one."

"Does it matter? Just walk out there, head held high and show them that the Nephilim are a force to be trifled with."

I nodded. Gabriel walked passed me without another word and took Sam's hand.

I looked over my shoulder one last time at the friends who became family in the past weeks. I swallowed the oncoming tears and rolled my shoulders. Turning to my captors, I unfurled my wings, unknowingly letting the sunlight stream through them, making the sunset colors glow like pure light.

I couldn't see the proud, saddened looks that came from the house. I didn't see Cas bury his face into Dean's shoulder. I didn't see Bobby take off his hat and rub his eyes. Nor did I see Sam and Gabriel clench their fists in unison.

All I could see was the looks of disgust, hatred and the rare look of awe in the flock before me. Lilith pounded, screaming for me to let her save me, but I didn't hear her. The soft lullaby rang in my ears, calming me.

Right inside the warding, I stopped. Close enough to touch, but just out of reach, I met Uriel's gaze.

"I want your word that no one in that house will be harmed when I come with you."

"I do not make promises to abominations."

I couldn't refuse to go. I had no other choice.

I passed over the wards.

A rough hand snared my hair and pulled me upward. Uriel's smirk, more like sneer, filled my sight.

"Bound, just like Gabriel said. Means you can't fight back."

My face met the ground with a force that could have only come from a fist. A yell came from the house. I forced myself to my hands and knees, only to be kicked sharply in the ribs. I rolled a dozen feet or so, landing so that I caught a glimpse of Dean being held back by Gabe, Sam, and Bobby.

The sight made me push myself back up again. My wings dragged along the ground as I tried to get my footing.

My breath was forced from my lungs by a blow to my stomach, and any air that I tried to replace it with was cut off by the large hand crushing my neck. I scrapped and clawed at the hand, but nothing would budge it. Darkness crept into my vision.

I sent up one final prayer to anyone who would listen, asking to keep everyone safe, then I let the darkness have me.

* * *

Dean paced the car lot, where he was banished after he punched a hole in Bobby's wall. Uriel had crushed the life out of Shay then let her drop to the ground like a ragdoll. The dick had the nerve to smile at them before flying off with Shay -Shay's body- and the other dickheads who had stood and watched an innocent life be taken in front of them.

Dean yelled and punched the closest car. The pain that came from his bruised and bloody knuckles didn't even register in his mind. Shay had been less than a hundred feet from him and he had stood and done nothing. He was no better than the assholes that had flown off with Uriel.

"Dean?"

Dean didn't turn to his Angel. He hit the car again and again envisioning it as Uriel's smug face. After about a dozen hits or so, the angered Hunter heard a crunch. Dean sank to the ground cradling his broken wrist.

Cas slowly approached Dean, like a hunter would a wounded animal. He let his fingers gently brush Dean's forehead, healing the break and cuts, before gently easing himself to the ground.

"There wasn't anything we could have done."

"We could've fought. We could've exploded a holy oil bomb and killed the entire fucking lot of them! That would've given us a chance to regroup and prepare for them-"

"Dean, Uriel and his Angels would have blown this place off of the map, like they almost did that town where that Seal was broken. None of us would have survived, then what would have been the point of Shay's sacrifice? It would have all been in vain.

"She bought us time. We can mourn her properly after we have found a way to protect and hide our child."

Dean turned to remark on Cas's coldness, but bit his tongue when he saw the grief and pain in those deep blue eyes. Out of everyone in the group, Cas was the one who had been closest to Shay. Dean draped an arm over Cas's shoulders and pulled him close. They sat there for a long time, just letting the pain flow from each other.

Cas gripped Dean's shirt. "What was that lullaby that Shay was humming?"

Dean sighed, remembering the tune. "I don't know, but it was beautiful.

Cas nestled closer. "It was."

That was how Sam found them in the morning, asleep leaning against the dented car. He placed a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Hey. Dean."

Dean groaned and opened his eyes. "What, Sammy?"

"I think I might have a way to hide the baby."

Dean was instantly awake and gently waking Cas. Inside a short time later, Gabriel was leaning against the doorway, Bobby, Cas and Dean sat at the table, and Sam stood with a file folder in his hands.

"So what's your idea, Sam?" Bobby inquired.

Sam clutched the folder. "I think Shay gave us more than time. She gave us a way to hide the baby."

"How?" Dean asked, not sure he was liking where his brother was going.

Sam put the folder on the table and motioned Gabe over. The men gathered around the table and peered at the folders contents.

Dean stood up abruptly and dashed the papers onto the floor. "No!" He roared. "I'm not doing that to my kid!"

"Shay was hidden from the Angel's because of her scars for her entire life. You have to consider the possibility that this might be our only option."

Dean stormed out of the kitchen. Sam turned to Cas, who was thinking. The Angel's face was pale, but the determined set of his jaw showed that he had made up his mind.

"I will talk with Dean."

Cas left the remaining three alone with a tense silence. Bobby glared at Sam.

"You are seriously considering cutting sigils into your infant niece or nephew? Have you been sucking demons' blood behind our backs? Because that is the only reason that you would even consider this!"

Sam took the verbal abuse. "Bobby, we have scoured every book in your arsenal. Anything short of locking it away in the saferoom for its entire life, nothing can ensure that it is always hidden from view."

Gabriel was quiet. He needed to get some air. He sat back on a rock at the top of Pikes Peak. The Archangel knew he would get yelled at for just up and leaving, but he couldn't stand in that room any longer.

The bustling city at his feet moved forward, unaware that one of its own had been killed just hours before. His head fell into his hands. Shay's sacrifice had brought back too many memories long buried.

A hand rested on his shoulder. Gabe sighed. "I don't want to go back yet, Casie. I just need some air from a different state."

It took a second to realize the hand that rested on his shoulder was much too small to be his younger brother's. He turned to see who it was and immediately jumped to his feet, blade in his hand.

"What are you?"

"It doesn't matter, but you need to listen to me. Your friend's life hangs in the balance."

* * *

 **PLOT TWIST!**


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is a little shorter. Sorry it took so long!  
**

 **Thank you TinkerTink and shadowrose666 for following!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

A sharp jolt made my lungs fill with air. My back arched off of the ground with the sudden intake. I coughed and saw stars fill my vision instead of darkness. The sparklies cleared and an unfamiliar face hovered over mine. I sat up suddenly, nearly causing our heads to collide. I scuttled back against the wall and screamed, but nothing came out. I tried again. Silence.

"Your vocal cords were crushed. It will take time to heal them." I looked at the stranger, panicked. I wrapped my wings around me like a shield.

"Well, you are welcome."

Memories came crashing back into my mind. Uriel had brought me within a millimeter of my life, smiling as I struggled to breath. If I survived, that meant that Uriel might come back to finish the job. I needed to get out. I peeked through the feathers, taking in my surroundings. The stranger and I were in some sort of prison cell. I saw no door to speak of, no obvious way of escape.

"It is no use. I have been locked in these cells for millennia. The only way out is to be let out."

I gave him a determined look. I wasn't going to give up.

 _You should listen to the Angel, darling._

I jumped in surprise at Lilith's voice. _Lilith?_

 _No, Santa Claus. Of course it's me, you dimwit!_

 _But how? If I died, then shouldn't you be gone?_

 _Almost died. How do you think you survived that asshole's death grip? I can keep my host alive, unless I don't want to, but seeing how I can't jump ship, I had no other choice but to save your selfless, martyr ass!_

I glanced at the Angel sitting a few feet from me. He looked like he had fallen asleep.

 _Can you fix my voice?_

 _I said keep my host alive, I said nothing about keeping it in one piece. Our roommate is the only one who can fix your voice._

The other prisoner's face came in the flash of a memory. It was gone before I could see it clearly.

My cellmate sighed and stood. "Well, I should tell the guards that you are awake."

Fear clawed at my heart. I quickly grabbed his arm and shook my head. I wanted to stay dead for a little while longer. I let my fear show and the Angel's gaze softened.

"Alright, just for a little while."

I sighed and crawled back to my corner. In the silence, I started to draw in the dust. The symbols came easily since I had been drawing them for months.

"Shalom. Castiel. Dean. Friends of yours?"

I circled Cas and Dean's names and nodded. I pointed to mine and laid a hand on my chest.

"Your name?" I nod. "The Hebrew word for "peace be with you". A good choice on your parents' part."

I shrugged and started doodling again. My mind drifted to my Grace. Maybe if I could find a way to release it, the energy may destroy enough of the cell and I might be able escape. My binding sigil lay in the dust before long.

"Where did you see that?" my cellmate asked, suspicion in his voice.

I look up in surprise. I widen my eyes and gesture to it.

"Yes, I have seen it before. It was drawn in blood on Lucifer and his followers before they were cast out to bind their Grace for a short while. Where did you see it?"

I pulled up the hem of my shirt to reveal the sigil in question. I motioned to my wings, hoping he would understand they were at one point bound too.

The Angel looked at me astonished. "Your Grace was permanently bound. When?"

I cradled my arms and rocked them back and forth. Pain raced through my body causing it to shudder. The sigil binding my Grace burned like a hot brand. Memories flashed across my eyes. They were going too fast I couldn't see any of them. My mind started reeling and the darkness came back.

A cool hand lay on my forehead. "Calm, little one. Calm, let it pass."

I took deep shuddering breaths, the memories started to fade. My vision cleared. Something wasn't right. That had never happened before. I looked up, terrified, at the Angel next to me.

"I think your Grace just tried to reach out to the power in Heaven. All Angels draw their power from Heaven, apparently the bound Graces as well."

"Well, look who is awake." I shot upright and stared at Uriel. He was grinning a vicious, hungry smile that looked like a predator eyeing its prey. "Now, how did you survive? I would like to know before I permanently snuff the life out of you."

I snorted and grinned. I pointed at him then my throat and made a crushing motion.

 _Great idea! Let's taunt the powder keg Angel and see if he doesn't beat us to an inch of our lives again._

I did my best not to roll my eyes.

Uriel snarled. "Make it talk."

My cellmate shook his head. "Fixing a voice is just as sensitive as fixing an eardrum. It will take time. Think about that before you try and strangle one of our own."

Uriel became stoic. "It isn't one of us. It's an abomination."

My face twisted at the term. If I had my voice I would tell him to go fuck himself and kiss my ass.

 _I'm rubbing off on you,_ Lilith said dreamily.

 _More like Dean, not you, Lilith_.

I looked over at my cellmate, but he wasn't looking at me.

"Good," Uriel said with satisfaction, "now that everything is in the open, fix its voice, Gadreel, so we can figure out how to kill it and wipe it's filth from existence."

Uriel left, leaving a tense silence behind. I didn't look at Gadreel, I couldn't. He was now another person that would look down on me with disgust, and I couldn't take that anymore.

A gentle hand rested on my head. I looked up with tear-filled eyes to see Gadreel looking at me with empathy.

"You have no need to fear me."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to think, I was so scared. Gadreel smiled slightly as I curled up further.

"I don't blame you for not believing me. You kind doesn't look kindly upon mine nor the other way around. This jail makes us all equal. In here, we are just Gadreel and Shalom."

This made me smile a little. Gadreel reminded me Cas, just a little less formal. I touch my throat with a question in my eyes.

"Don't worry, you will speak again." I smiled and wiped my tears off.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the wait! I could find time to post, but with my house being buried in snow right now, I have a few chapters a can post in over the next few days.**

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 **Enjoy!**

* * *

As Gadreel fixed my voice, we found other ways to talk. I drew what I could and wrote out the rest. Gadreel liked my stories of home. I told him what I could about Sam, Dean and Cas.

"You wrote Dean and Castiel's names in Enochian, yet you write Sam's name in English."

I told him that I have their names carved into my back and we still have not found out why.

I paused and bit my lip.

 _Why are you here?_

Gadreel froze and became very serious. "I made a mistake that resulted in disaster. I have been atoning for it here, although I fear it will never be enough."

I could hear the pain and suffering in his voice. I reached out and touched his shoulder. Gadreel placed his hand on top of mine. I leaned forward and rested my head on top of our hands.

We didn't realize it, but our relationship was growing beyond being friends. We were both broken outcasts that found some comfort in each other.

"I have had enough of this." Gadreel and I jumped up. Uriel stood in front of the cell, disgust in his eyes. "I'm taking it now."

"But her voice-"

"I don't care, I will find what I'm looking for by digging around inside of it. Words could be lies, but hard evidence cannot be falsified."

The door opened and I pressed up against the back wall. Gadreel tried to put himself between Uriel and me, but he was thrown up against the wall. Uriel picked me up and dragged me out by my hair. I tried to yell, but no sound came out. I kicked and struggled, trying to loosen the Angel's hold. We passed so many Angels that just stood and stared.

Uriel finally pulled me into a room with chains. Three of the walls were clear allowing Angels to look in and watch. Uriel locked a set of manacles around my wrists and pulled them until I hung off the ground. I felt like a freak on display.

 _Please help me._

 _Can't, honey. Any pain that Uriel inflicts on us will be felt by both of us and unless you want them to know I'm here, I will staying on the down low. Put me away, will you? Uriel can't find any traces of me if I'm in that box of yours._

 _Great, thanks._

Lilith got locked away just in time for the first blow to land. Uriel beat the shit out of me for a warm up, then he took out a knife and made a long slit on my arm. I silently screamed as my blood ran down my arm to the ground. Uriel caught some in a bowl and took it to the table against a wall. I couldn't see what he was doing, but it obviously didn't work because the bowl got thrown across the room.

I felt my wings being lifted I tried to see what was happen, then I saw a hook go through my feathers. I silently screamed again and shook as the other wing was impaled. I was a sobbing mess now. I was covered in blood, sweat, tears, snot and spit.

"Maybe a little pain will make that voice of yours work." Uriel grabbed my chin and forced me to look up. He was smiling a predatory grin. "This is going to be fun."

* * *

Hours later, I was thrown back into the jail cell. My wings were a bloody, mangled mess. Uriel thought it would be fun to start pulling out feathers. I passed out from pain by the tenth feather. I woke up to find myself being dragged along the floor, leaving a trail of blood in my wake.

On the ground, I couldn't move. I cried and shook from the pain was radiating from my torn and bloody body. Gadreel cursed in Enochian and picked me up. I contorted in pain as his arms brushed against my wings. He brushed my hair away from my face, relieving some of my pain. When Gadreel looked closer at my wings, he saw the damage Uriel had done. I felt him tense up, then pull me closer. A pair of dull grey, black speckled wings appeared and wrapped around us.

I felt some sort of warm flow from him to me. Little by little my pain went away. I felt my eyes drift shut, and I fell into a deep, healing sleep.

I woke up to find Gadreel still cradling me, but he had long since fallen asleep. He was pale and clearly exhausted. He must have put everything he had into stopping my pain.

 _He has changed so much._

 _What do you mean?_

 _He is putting the needs of another before his own. In the old days, he was so arrogant. He didn't even bother to give anyone the time of day all because God had given him the job of guarding the entrance of Eden._

 _Wow. What did he do that got him thrown down here?_

 _It was what he_ didn't _do that got him thrown down here. He didn't stop Lucifer in the form of the serpent from entering._

 _Do you mean that...?_

 _Yes, because he didn't do his job, mankind fell._

I gazed up at the Angel who held me. The actions of this Angel had caused so much pain. If he had done his job, so many people would still be alive.

I shook away the anger. I wouldn't see him like that. He had stopped my pain and healed my wounds. I would never see him as the Angel who caused the fall of mankind. He was Gadreel, my friend.

I closed my eyes.

 _How do you know all this about Gadreel?_

 _Who do you think drew him away from the gate?_

I bit my lip. That would mean that he'd have a grudge against Lilith.

I rested my hand against his chest, savoring the feel of his Grace. It thrummed like a second heartbeat.

I turned to ease an ache in my left wing. I caught a glimpse of it and nearly started crying.

"Am I hurting you?"

I shook my head. I must have woke Gadreel with my moving around. I reached out and touched one of my wings. Some of the feathers were bloodstained and many were missing.

Gadreel cradled my head against his chest. "It is cruel punishment to mangle a fellow Angel's wings, it takes decades to grown back the feathers completely, but I think you have to thank the human side of you because they are already growing back."

I sniffed and looked closer at my wings. Sure enough, I could see little tips of new feathers showing. I hummed my happiness and sat up. My head swam causing me to fall over. Gadreel caught me and steadied me. He stood up and set me on my feet. The room didn't tilt at weird angles this time.

I then realized how close we were. Gadreel was a good head taller than me, making me just the perfect height to fit under his chin. I looked up and meet his hazel eyes. They were beautiful. I felt myself rise up onto my toes and Gadreel leaned down.

A wall shattering quake made us stumble apart. I heard alarms and bells go off.

"Someone order a jailbreak?"

I grinned like a fool when I saw Gabriel standing in front of the cell with a sloppy grin on his face. The door flew open and I jumped out and hugged the Archangel.

"Told ya we would find you."

I cocked my head. We? I looked around and saw Cas look around the corner. My jaw dropped. He couldn't be up here! What about the baby?

I looked Gabe with a killing glare and pointed at Cas.

"I couldn't stop him from coming, though a few hours ago he completely passed out and didn't wake up for until a while ago. When Dean finds a way out of the time loop I put him in, I will be back on his hit list."

I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"We must leave," Cas said, "It won't be long until the guards come to check on things here."

I nod and turn around. I go back into the cell and take Gadreel's hand. I pull him out of the cell. Castiel and Gabriel looked at me like I was crazy.

"You do realize who you are towing, right?" Gabe asked, eyeing Gadreel. I glared at the Archangel and motion for them get going.

Our small group started running. Gabriel lead us through twists and turns to what looked to be an elevator. Cas hit the button. Gabriel stared at me.

"Why haven't you graced us with your usual words of appreciation, Shay?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. Gadreel spoke up for me. "Uriel crushed her voice before he brought her here. I haven't been able to repair it completely yet." I smiled at him, then I was thrown against a wall.

"You aren't going anywhere," Uriel snarled at me. Uriel's forearm pressed into my throat cutting off my air, then he was gone. I fell to the ground coughing. I looked up to see Gadreel wrestling with Uriel. He landed a hard punch to the black Angel's jaw. He turned around for a split second.

"Get her out of here!" Gadreel ordered before he went back to subduing Uriel. I shook my head. I wasn't going to leave him behind.

I rushed forward to help only to be met by another Angel with her blade draw. She slashed at me. I almost made it, but I wasn't quick enough. I felt the blade slice through the skin on my stomach. Another blade impaled itself in the Angel's chest. Her eyes glowed and she screamed.

I continued to push towards Gadreel, but a pair of arms clamped around mine and started pulling me back. Gadreel wasn't doing so well, Uriel hardly had a mark on him, while Gadreel was bruised and bloody. My friend was knocked to the ground.

"Gadreel!" I screamed.

He looked up, and I thought I saw the ghost of a smile. The first sound to come from my broken voice was his name. I screamed Gadreel's name again and again, struggling against the arms that held me.

Gadreel motioned for whoever was holding me to go. "Get her somewhere safe! I will hold them off!"

I pulled into the elevator and I saw Cas hit a button causing the doors to close. I tried to get back, but the doors closed and Gadreel was gone.

I screamed and kicked. "Take me back! We have to save him!"

Gabriel held me tighter. "There isn't anything we can do, Shay!"

As the truth set in, I started crying and went completely limp. Cas, seeing it was safe to approach, came and took me from Gabe. I gripped the tan trench coat tightly and cried. A pair of fingers brushed my forehead and darkness took me.

* * *

 **Please review! I want to know what ya'll think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I woke up being carried by Gabe. Cas was unlocking an unfamiliar steel door. We walked into what looked like a hidden base.

"How long was I gone?"

Cas smiled a little. "Good, you are awake. You were gone for a little over a month."

I heard Gabe snap his fingers.

"GABRIEL, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! SAM, I'M GOING TO SNAP YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND'S NECK IN FUCKING HALF!"

"GET IN LINE, DEAN!"

The Angels sighed and descended a set of stairs. We reached the bottom steps and the Winchester boys came stomping out.

"Gabriel, I hope you had fun on your trip because I'm going to kill you!" Dean fumed. Sam stood with his arms crossed. I smiled a little at seeing them again.

"Hey guys," I croaked. Dean and Sam noticed me and their jaws dropped.

"You could have fucking told us you were going to rescue Shay!" Sam exclaimed.

"Hell, we would've gone with you," Dean added.

"That's not the reason I put you two in a time loop. Cas came with."

The room's temperature dropped ten degrees. Cas met Dean's gaze with strong conviction.

"I wasn't going to let Gabriel go alone Dean. We got in and out with . . . minimal casualties."

I bit my lip as Gadreel's face came to mind.

"You can put me down." Gabriel complied, setting me on the ground. I unfurled my wings to keep my balance. I heard Dean and Sam breath hitch when they saw my wings.

I brushed past them. "Where can I clean up a little?"

Sam silently led me to a small room. "The bathrooms and showers are right down the hall." I nodded and headed that way.

The hot shower helped ease the pain I felt, but I couldn't help but feel the knot in my chest. I leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. I cried and cried. I couldn't get the image of Gadreel beaten and bruised out of mind.

An image of my own face, tear streaked and bloody, filled my mind. I was running. No, she was running. I was being carried by her. She kept looking over her shoulder. Finally, she stopped and looked at me. I saw her mouth move, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. Then pain, nothing but pain.

When it faded, I was curled under the streaming water.

 _What just happened? Lilith, what did you do?_

 _It wasn't me. That was all you._

I shook my head. I didn't understand. I looked down at my stomach. There was a new scar that nicked the top of my binding sigil.

That was a memory, one of my memories from my first days. I turned off the water and rubbed my temple. _I_ was looking at _me_. I shook away the memory for now and grabbed my towel. None of my clothes were there, so I snuck over to Dean's room and nicked some sweats and an old t-shirt.

I shuffled into what was probably that kitchen, finding all for the guys waiting for me. I sat down and reached for the chips that were across the table. Dean moved them out of my reach.

"What happened up there? And how in hell are you still alive?"

 _Might as well tell them._

I fiddled with the hem of the shirt I stole from Dean.

"Lilith."

The Winchesters didn't look surprised at first, then something hit them.

"Lilith, the ex-queen of Hell, kept you alive? The demon with the taste for infants?"

 _Their innocence is delicious._

 _You are not eating babies in me._

 _Well luckily for you, I'm taking a liking to coffee, so no worries._

"Yeah, as she put it so gracefully, "I keep my host alive, unless I don't want to, but seeing how I can't jump ship, I had no other choice but to save your selfless, martyr ass"."

They all nodded. "Sounds like Lilith," Sam said.

Cas stands up and walks over to me. "May I see your wings? I want to see if there is anything I can do."

I bit my lip and gently unfurled them. I felt some of the joints pop, but most of the pain was completely gone. I felt Cas's fingers gently run through my feathers.

"How is this possible? Many of the feathers are regrowing already."

"Gadreel-" I swallowed. "Gadreel said the human part of me is aiding in the growth."

"That isn't true. If anything your human genes should be making the growth slower."

I shrug. "My Grace has nothing better to do?"

"More than likely." Cas sat back down and went back to his coffee. Dean pushed the chips to me and I devoured them.

I brushed some crumbs from my face. "So what is this place?"

Sam spoke up. "Dean and I got a call from some lawyer back in Lawrence saying our grandfather, Dad's dad who disappeared, had left some things to be released a week or so back. Among them was a key and a map to this place. It is like the panic room, but a hundred times more protected."

"And lot bigger," Dean added.

"No kidding. Bobby must've had a hayday." I looked around. "Speaking of which, where is the old geezer?"

"Back at his place," Dean said. "He is still trying to find a way to hide Baby Cas."

"Baby Cas?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "We have no idea what the gender is, so we can't settle on a name."

"I think it's a girl." Dean and Cas looked at me. "What? It's a woman's intuition."


	13. Chapter 13

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Stars twinkled above me, as I lay back on my blanket. To my left was my brother and sister, and Mum, Dad, and my other brother were on another blanket not far away.

It was a beautiful night in New Mexico, and it was even more extraordinary tonight.

A lightning storm flashed in the sky, but it was too far away to hear any thunder. The clouds broke in the middle of the sky to create a perfect circle of stars right in the middle. We were miles from anywhere, so the city lights didn't dull the stars.

My brother sighed. I smiled. "God is the Greatest Artist ever."

"Father always loves displaying His works for mankind."

I turned in surprise to find Gadreel laying in the blanket next to me instead of my brother. The rest of my family had faded away, leaving the two of us alone. I lay back and looked back up.

"My memory doesn't do it justice. I don't even think the best camera could have captured the beauty of it. Dad had brought a CD player and we sang worship songs for hours. The clouds never covered that patch of stars. Josh teased that it was a spyhole for Angels, and they were watching us, maybe even singing along."

Gadreel was silent. I rolled onto my side so I could look at him. "Are you alright? I mean after Cas and Gabe came for me, did they hurt you?"

Gadreel didn't move.

I touched his arm. "Talk to me please."

"What if I just want to hear you speak?" Gadreel turned his head and met my eyes. "What if I'm savoring the fact I know you are free and healed?"

I took my hand back and moved away slightly. Fine, if he wanted to play that game. "My wings are getting better. The new feathers are nearly two inches long now."

Gadreel smiled. "Good, now what songs did you sing on this night?"

I laughed a little. "Countless songs: _Amazing Grace, Revelation Song, Arise My Love, How Can You Say No?_. Josh's voice was cracking at the time, so he sounded hilarious."

"And you didn't?"

"Me? Maybe when I was little, but I have a talent for singing. I must've gotten it from my Angelic parent. Aren't you Angels singers?"

"In a way, but I haven't heard the Heavenly Host sing for a long time." Gadreel reached down and grasped my hand. "Sing for me?"

"Let me think." I shuffled through my mental library. "Oh, this is one of my favorites. _Music of My Heart_ by Nicole C. Mullen.

" _I'm not ashamed to tell the whole world, oh  
Without you, I'm nothing at all  
That I have strings in need of mending  
I'm not in tune in certain parts  
So strong, the chord to mercy  
Restore my soul completely  
Lay your hand upon me  
And this instrument will breathe_

 _"'Cause you're the music of my heart_  
 _The melody within my soul_  
 _The song that holds me in the dark_  
 _The fire that warms me when I'm cold_  
 _The symphony that calms my fear_  
 _The lyric that alone to hear_  
 _The masterpiece, the work of art_  
 _Complete before I start_  
 _The music of my heart_

 _"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_

 _"Creator of all that is lovely, oh_  
 _Write a tune upon my heart_  
 _And when you finish will you play me_  
 _Like a beautiful guitar?_  
 _Strong, the chords of mercy_  
 _Restore my soul completely_  
 _Bring life unto me_  
 _And this instrument will sing_

 _"'Cause you're the music of my heart_  
 _The melody within my soul_  
 _The song that holds me in the dark_  
 _The fire that warms me when I'm cold_  
 _The symphony that calms my fear_  
 _The lyric that alone to hear_  
 _The masterpiece, the work of art_  
 _Complete before I start_  
 _The music of my heart_

 _"Of my heart_  
 _I'm captivated_  
 _Of my heart_  
 _My soul's elated_  
 _Of my heart_  
 _Because_  
 _Every single light's full of love divine_  
 _Wrap me like a valentine_

 _"'Cause you're the music of my heart  
The melody within my soul  
The song that holds me in the dark  
The fire that warms me when I'm cold  
The symphony that calms my fear  
The lyric that alone to hear  
The masterpiece, the work of art  
Complete before I start  
The music of my heart_

 _"Yeah, the music of my heart_  
 _Of my heart_  
 _The music of my heart_  
 _Of my heart_  
 _The music of my heart._ "

As the last notes rang in the silence, Gadreel squeezed my hand.

"That was beautiful."

"Before all this, before I decided I wanted to be an archeologist, Mum said I should be a singer. I had the talent, but I didn't want to be pulled into the drama that comes with the performance industry. I sang where I could: in church, at home, in school, at work. It made me happy. Annoyed the shit out of some people, but it made me happy."

I turned to Gadreel, smiling, but it fell when I saw the tears in his eyes. I sat up and touched his face. My fingers came away bloody.

"Gadreel, what's wrong?" I was starting to panic. Gadreel saw my fingers. He grasped them.

"A little bit of reality seeped in."

"You're hurt? Did Uriel-"

Gadreel pressed a finger to my lips. "It doesn't matter. I'm at peace here. I don't want to return to reality just yet."

Gadreel's hand moved from my lips to my cheek. I held his hand there and leaned into the touch.

"I miss you, Gadreel."

"And I, you."

Our faces grew closer.

Thunder rolled and the wind picked up. I sat up and looked around.

"What's happening?" Gadreel asked. I stood, shaking my head. Once I was on my feet, I felt hands grab me and drag me away.

I bolted out of my sleep, panting and covered in sweat.

 _That was close._

"What?! You did that?!"

 _Yes, and me pulling you out stopped the Angels from tracking you to this place._

"But Gadreel..."

 _That wasn't him. The Angels more than likely created that to give them a way into your dreams._

"So you mean I can't dream?"

 _No._

I fell back onto my pillow with a groan. It had felt so real.

* * *

Gadreel hung from chains, hooks through his wings. Uriel punched Gadreel across his already broken cheekbone.

"You warned it."

Gadreel spat out a mouthful of blood. "Some part of her must of felt the trace."

Uriel snarled. "Not possible." The furious Angel stalked to a wheel and cranked it. Gadreel screamed as his wings were stretched to their limit. Uriel didn't stop until he heard the satisfying snaps and pops. Gadreel slumped in his chains. Tears of pain coursed down his face.

Uriel walked looked at the broken Angel. "We will do this again tomorrow and the next day until it is found and brought back here."

Uriel flew away, while Gadreel wept in defeat.

* * *

I asked Cas about prayer to an Angel the next day.

"What do you wish to know?" he asked around his concoction of meatloaf and pb&j sandwich. I knew the cravings got bad, but this was worse.

"Can a prayer be eavesdropped on?"

"Unless it is an open prayer, no, only the specific Angel will hear it."

"Thanks, Cas."

I ran off to my room. "Can I put you in the box? I want this to be private."

 _It isn't like I won't see it later, but fine go ahead. Have your few minutes of private sexy fun time._

I lay down on my bed, ignoring the inference.

 _Gadreel . . ._

In Heaven's jail, Gadreel perked up slightly.

 _I know you won't be able to respond, so this is going to be a very one-sided conversation. Well, it isn't like we haven't had them before, right?_

 _I hope that you are safe, and if not, Uriel is going to be in a lot of pain. Besides to state the obvious, I wanted to tell you that my Grace is leaking out bit by bit._

Gadreel head shot up.

 _I was cut during the escape and the blade cut through the top of my sigil. I'm just getting memories for now, but maybe if I find the right place to cut, I could release my Grace, but still keep it concealed. Maybe then I can get you out. Being locked up since the beginning of time I think is more than long enough._

 _I will do my best to keep you company when I can. I hope by the time we see each other again, you will be so annoyed with me that you will never want to hear my voice ever again._

Gadreel snorted, suppressing his laugh.

 _Well, since I have your attention, there is this song that has been stuck in my head that I want to get stuck in yours._

 _It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world . . ._

* * *

 **Lyrics courtesy of Nicole C. Mullen and Disney.**

 **The lightning storm is an actually memory, but I wasn't with my family, I was on a church missions trip with a bunch of highschoolers (off-key singing did occur).**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to bitterreaper for following!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

I did realize that I had fallen asleep until I found myself in a completely white world. I looked around. This had to be the blandest dream ever.

"We don't have much time until the guards come to get me."

I spin around and launch myself into Gadreel's arms. He squeezed me and then let me go.

"I want to warn you. They are using me to trace your location, so if you ever find me in your dreams wake up as soon as you can."

Before I could nod, a voice came from behind me.

"If Shay won't wake up, I'll make her, just like last time." I turned and found a woman, very shapely, wearing biblical time garments standing not far from us.

Gadreel snarled and set me aside. "Begone fiend! You have no right to be here."

Gadreel walked towards her. He reached out and hit her across the face. I found myself on the ground my jaw aching. I looked and found Lilith in a similar predicament. Gadreel picked her up and slammed his fist into her stomach. I dry heaved as I felt my stomach implode.

Lilith coughed up some blood. "You might want to stop. You are hurting Shay."

Gadreel pick her back up and hit her jaw again. "You lie."

"Gadreel." The Angel turned and found me on the ground. Blood fell from my lips, the same as Lilith. Gadreel dropped Lilith and knelt by my side.

He glared back at Lilith. "What did you do to her?"

"Would you be a dear and tell him, Shay. I don't think he would believe me if I told him."

"Told me what?" Gadreel demanded.

I rubbed my jaw. "There isn't any use in trying to hide it. I came to terms with this months ago. Lilith tried to possess me years ago and is now permanently trapped in me."

Gadreel jumped away from me, disbelief clear on his face.

* * *

I woke up. Rolling to my side, I started crying, Gadreel's look of disgust and sadness fresh in my mind.

 _He is gone. Why did you have to show up?!_

 _He was going to find out sooner or later. The longer he was inside your head, the more he would have learned. It was better for him to find out from you instead of discovering it on his own. I saved you both a lot of heartache._

 _No, now he won't ever speak to me again._

 _Doesn't mean that you have to stop talking to him._

I thought about it. I could still pray and talk to him.

 _Angels can't mute prayers, can they?_

 _How should I know? I'm a demon, not an Angel, darling._

I prayed to Gadreel whenever I could, taking the time to explain that I didn't choose to keep Lilith as a brain roommate. I had come to terms with it yes, but I wanted to get her out of me as soon as I could.

 _If you have any ideas, I would be more than glad to hear them._

I did research on my own, trying to decipher the sigil. After two days of sneezing on dusty tomes, I found a reference to a scroll that was a translation of a translation of a translation of a tablet written by some ancient unknown prophet. Old Winchester had a serious collection and had said scroll in the archives.

I found it and read the short narrative written on it. I scowled and replaced the scroll before stomping off to look for Gabriel.

He was in the kitchen making jokes to Sam about sex in the kitchen. I slammed a picture of my sigil down in front of him.

"Which parts of this are the binding parts and which are the concealing one's?"

Sam stared at me and asked what I was doing, but I didn't respond. Gabriel had a glimmer of recognition and hostility in his eyes. He opened his mouth, but I cut him off.

"And don't you dare tell me that you have no idea what I'm talking about. I know that _you_ were the one that created this sigil to bind Lucifer and his followers' Graces before they were cast out. Now tell me, which ones are which and don't lie to me."

Gabriel glared harshly at me. He grabbed the pen I was holding and circled the ones I wanted.

I turned to leave, but Gabe grabbed the paper and stopped me. "You had better know damn well what you are doing."

I yanked the page from him and ran out. I hurried to the safe room and locked the door from the inside.

I stripped down to my bra and circled the parts of the sigil that I needed to be aware of. I dug out the whiskey bottle and took a swig. I nearly coughed it back up, but I took another huge gulp. This was going to hurt. I took out everything I needed and laid it within reach. Before I started, I closed my eyes.

 _Gadreel, I'm about to do something stupid._

In Heaven's jail, Gadreel clenched his fists.

 _Castiel, I'm sorry._

Cas sat up and called for Dean.

 _Gabriel, you son of a bitch, if this doesn't work you had better finish what I'm starting. Get Gadreel out of Heaven._

Gabe glared at the wall and ignored Sam's questions.

After those last words, I started digging into my skin.

* * *

Dean and Cas rushed to find Sam and Gabe. The four met in the main hall.

"Where's Shay?" Cas demanded.

"We were about to ask the same," Sam said. "She came storming into the kitchen demanding that Gabriel tell her about her sigil."

"What did she want to know?" Dean asked.

Gabriel glared at Dean. "It doesn't fucking matter. What is important is that we stop her before she does anything stu-"

The entire building shook. Some lamps fell over and and book piles were disrupted. All four men looked at each other.

They ran down more than a few flights of stairs and bolted for the safe room. The reinforced double layer steel and silver doors were blasted from their hinges. They all rushed inside and found the room empty.

Dean glared at Gabriel. "Is now a good time to tell us what you told Shay?"

* * *

She was finally free. Six years of fighting for control and now she had it. Lilith stretched her arms above her head, causing her new outfit to show quite a bit of belly. She admired the body she had. Shay's Grace had healed many on the scars to point where one could hardly see them, but they were still working. Shay's Grace also hid the mounds of eyesore feathers called wings from physical view.

With Shay in a temporary comatose state, twenty-one years of details hitting you at once could do that too you, Lilith was free to do what she wanted.

She appeared in the Winchesters' kitchen and left a note on the table on where to find her, then she walked out the front door and out into the world.

It was time to have some fun.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank You Queen of Supernatural Lovers for favoriting and following!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Cas, Dean, Sam, and Gabe searched the entire complex for Shay, but she wasn't anywhere to be found. They all walked back to the kitchen to regroup and think of a plan.

"We have some of her things, we might be able to track her with a location spell," Sam recommended.

Cas shook his head. "Shay's scars would prevent that from working, and her Grace is still concealed so it is impossible for Gabriel or I to find her."

"Or we could just ask Lilith."

Sam, Cas and Gabe stared at Dean.

"What do you mean?" Cas asked.

"Great idea, Deano! Let's ask Lilith. Oh wait, the fucking ex-queen of Hell is inside Shay who we can't find! Brilliant idea, dumbass!" Gabriel said pushing past Dean. He stopped short. "Oh."

 _The Devil's Den_

 _Yours truly,_

 _Your loving queen of Hell_

The note was burned into the table.

Cas paled. "She took Shay to Lucifer."

Dean and Sam shook their heads.

Gabe grinned. "Time to break out your singles, boys. Looks like we are gonna make it rain."

The ex-queen of Hell has taken Shay's body on a joy ride to the most well known, high end brothel in the country.

* * *

Gabriel and Dean made their way through the finely dressed aristocrats to an empty table with Gabe's alias on it. Dean didn't question how Gabriel was a premium member of the Devil's Den, which got them the best seats in the house and free drinks.

A scantily clad woman approached and placed a bucket of ice and an expensive whiskey on the table with two glasses.

"Your usual, Mr. Norse."

"Thank you, Amber. When is the show starting?" Gabriel asked, pouring Dean a bit of whiskey.

"Soon, we have a new girl, calling herself Lilith, performing tonight. Quite the looker, and talented to boot. The boss has taken a liking to her, and I'm sure everyone here will too."

"Thanks, Amber. I'm sure she will find a favorite tonight." Gabriel sat back and scanned the room, avoiding Dean's scowl. He was about to snap the annoying human to another planet when the lights dimmed. Amber walked out on the arm of a smartly dressed middle aged man.

"Gentleman, thank you for joining us here tonight. I'm sad to say that Coco is ill and won't be joining us. All of Coco's usuals, please enjoy another one of your favorite girls."

Dean rolled his eyes and drank his whiskey, reaching for the bottle. Gabriel pulled it out of reach.

"We are going to be here for hours," the Archangel whispered harshly. "Try to make it last. This is a hundred dollar bottle of whiskey. I'm not buying another for you to drink like juice. If you want juice, I will be more than happy to oblige."

Dean's glass turned into a Capri Sun, which earned Gabriel a glare from the older Winchester.

The middle aged man continued chatting away. Dean leaned over to Gabe.

"Not that I don't like a brothel as much as any other guy, but why didn't you bring Sam?"

Gabe returned Dean's glass to normal. "The same reason you didn't want to bring your pregnant lover with you. We want to ogle beauties without our boyfriends breathing down our necks. Though none of these beauties compare to Sam in the slightest . . ." Gabe trailed off with a slight smile crossing his lips.

"Now without further ado, my lovely angels in hell, the Devil's Diamonds!"

* * *

Hours and many dancers later, Dean realized how much he loved Cas. He compared each of the beautiful women to the Angel, and in his eyes none of them came close. Her eyes weren't the right blue or that one's hair had too much spray and teasing. There was always something that didn't make her appealing to Dean. After a couple of dances, Dean was wanting to be back home, snuggling Cas in bed and rubbing Cas's baby bump.

Boss came out clapping for the girl who had bared herself on stage. "Thank you, Brittany. Now for the moment that you gentlemen have been waiting for. Our newest diamond found in the rough of the countryside, a devil with angel wings . . . Lilith!"

The lights blacked out. Gabe and Dean sat stiffly in their seats. Soft, gentle music started and soft white light filled the stage. A box with a curtain lowered, a long bare leg finding its way through the satin material. The heeled foot drew circles on the floor as the music continued.

Then the lights turned red and the curtain fell. Harsh music overpowered the soft music of earlier. Shay -Lilith- stood clad completely in a studded leather bikini number. Black wings were strapped to her back.

Lilith spotted them. She blew them a kiss and winked. She continued to dance and throw herself around the silver pole that had emerged from the floor.

The song ended and no one in the room was silent. Lilith bowed low exposing a lot of cleavage, then sashayed off the stage.

Amber came to the table not long after.

"You two are some lucky bastards. Lilith asked for you two to be her first private dance. If you would follow me."

Dean and Gabriel were led into a series of back rooms with curtains. mirrors, and doors. Amber opened one with Lilith's name on it.

'She is waiting for you."

Gabriel shut the door behind him and Dean.

"Lilith?" Dean called out.

"Be right out, boys. Getting changed."

Gabe shrugged and grabbed the bottle of champagne. He poured out three glasses, earning him a glare from Dean.

"Simply protocol. If the glasses were empty and the bottle unopened later, the boss would be suspicious, and if you are going to be a sour pus about it, then I will happily drink your glass."

"I will drink my own, Loki darling." Lilith stepped out with a silky robe barely covering her naked body. "Be a dear and bring it over?" The demon settled in a plush chair, her robe slipping from her shoulders. Dean glared and turned away. He didn't want to explain to Shay that he was ogling her body when she wasn't at home.

"We want to talk to Shay."

"Sorry, Dean. Shay is unable to come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I will make sure she gets it."

Dean started muttering an exorcism under his breath. Lilith squirmed.

"I'm not lying. You can't speak with Shay."

"Por que no?" Gabriel demanded.

"Shay is comatose right now, going through twenty-one years of excruciating details."

"Not following." Dean crossed his arms.

"Angel Grace stores knowledge and memories, correct?" Both men nodded. "Well, Shay's wasn't just trapped inside her. It was one big recorder than never stopped recording every little sound, movement, smell, and feeling. Now imagine all that information was thrown back into your face all at once. Millions of librarians reading different books at the same time with hundreds different movies playing. You tell me that isn't overwhelming."

Dean rubbed his eyes. _Fucking brilliant, Shay._ "When will she wake up?"

Lilith sighed and sipped her glass. "Can't say, daddy-o. It could be in a minutes, an hour, next year. I have no idea."

The looks that the two men were giving her clearly showed they didn't believe her. Giving an exasperated sigh, Lilith put down her glass and sat up straight.

"Fine." Lilith's eyes rolled back. My body started convulsing and I started whimpering.

"No, don't! Stop! Pleased!" I sobbed. Too much, it was too much! I didn't understand. I wanted it to stop. My eyes slipped open. A familiar face filled my sight.

"Don't let her take me, Papa."

Lilith shushed me and put me back in the warm room.

She looked at Dean, who was standing right over her. "Like I said, she is reliving every single second of her life. I have no idea where or when she is at any time. That could've been her first memories or a traumatic childhood one."

Dean stepped back, thinking. Gabriel just stared at him.

* * *

"You can't keep me in here forever!" Lilith sat in the devil's trap glaring at the Hunters and Angel's in front of her.

Dean grinned. "Yes, we can. Once Shay wakes up, you can see the world through her eyes." He closed the doors, and turned to Cas. He pulled the Angel into his arms. "She'll be fine. Just give her a little time."

The two stood there for a short time before Sam came and told them that dinner was ready. They couldn't do anything but wait.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you to spn. for .lyfe (sorry for the spaces) for favoriting and nightmarehunter676 for following, favoriting and reviewing! A triple threat! And sorry for being late bitterreaper, thank you for your review!  
**

 **Enjoy my Lovelies!**

* * *

A month passed and Shay was no closer to waking up. Lilith was bored out of her skull.

"Please! At least give me a hamster to torture!"

Cas stood outside the doors. "As we said before, you can't torture any living-"

Cas was cut off by a shot of pain through his abdomen.

"Gabriel."

The Archangel was at his side in an instant, then they were far away from base. Gabriel helped Cas sit down on the bed. Cas was pale.

"What happens now?"

"I have no idea, Casie. All I know is that I can't be within a mile of this place when the kid gets here, or Sammy is going to have to find a new date to the prom."

"Not helping, Gabriel!"

"Fine, the pain you're feeling now is the baby separating from your Grace. It will only get worse, I would guess even more so since you are carrying a half human."

"How long?" Cas growled.

"A week, sometimes even a month." Cas glared at his brother, his eyes starting to glow. "Fine, a day at most. No need to get all wrathful at me."

Cas breathed heavily as a wave of pain hit him. "You might want to keep this quiet. Dean will do anything to be here."

"No need to tell me twice. I will send him your way when the kid gets here."

With that, Gabriel disappeared, leaving Cas alone.

"I guess it is just you and me, little one."

* * *

Saying Dean was mad was like saying a bullet wound tickles. It didn't help that Sam was standing silently off to the side letting Dean scream and yell at Gabriel.

"If he had stayed, all of you would have been in danger. The Nephilim Grace will destroy every living soul and Grace within a mile."

"Fuck that! Cas is having my child all in his fucking own with dickhead Angels looking everywhere for said child."

Gabriel snapped a lollipop into existence. "Not that it will make a lick of difference-" Gabe chuckled at his own joke, "But I put sigils all around where Cas is, just like the ones that Shay has on her, that will make it impossible for any Angel to know where Cas and the baby are."

Gabriel stumbled all of a sudden. "Well, that was faster than anticipated."

"What-"

Gabriel snapped and Dean disappeared. Sam looked at his boyfriend and gave him a signature bitch face.

Gabe shrugged. "New dad went to see his baby."

* * *

"-was?" Dean found himself in front of a cabin in the middle of nowhere. He swore he was going to castrate Gabriel once he got back. Dean climbed up the steps and opened the door. It was quiet.

"Cas?" No response. Dean unholstered his gun and entered slowly. The front room was empty and so was the kitchen. Dean made his way slowly to what looked like the bedroom. The door was slightly cracked. Dean pushed it open a little and looked in. He put his gun away and walked into the room.

Cas lay on the bed, asleep, suit jacket on the floor, trench coat bundled up next to him. His white shirt was half unbuttoned and his hair was a mess, well more than usual. Dean tiptoed to the bed and looked into the bundled trench coat. A baby girl lay in the middle, asleep just like her daddy. Her hair was dark and curled just a little. Her lips were puckered little rosebuds and her lashes were gently resting on her rosy cheeks.

She was beautiful.

"We did good, Cas." Cas mumbled in his sleep and turned. Dean stumbled back when he saw his Angel's wings. The black feathers settled over their daughter. Dean perched himself on the edge of the bed and started running his fingers through the feathers.

After a few minutes, Dean looked to find his daughter awake and staring at him with sharp green-blue eyes.

"Hey, nice to finally meet you," Dean cooed. He reached over and gently picked up the tiny person.

"You stopped."

Dean glanced over to find Cas was awake as well.

"Well, if you let me actually see those more often, I can do that more often. As for why, our daughter was simply begging to be picked up by the best papa in the entire world. Weren't you little girl?"

The baby girl gurgled and waved her fists. Cas pushed himself up and looked at their little girl.

"She isn't what I expected."

"What you were expecting was a evil, witch cackling monster that would watch the world burn. What we got is a beautiful baby girl who has her papa's eyes and her daddy's smile and hair." Dean reached over and pulled Cas closer, creating a small family huddle. They looked at their little girl who sighed and fell back asleep.

Dean then realized something. "We never talked about names."

Cas furrowed his brow. "Why don't we discuss them now, since we are going to be here for a little while."

* * *

Lilith whistled, bored beyond belief. She heard wings behind her.

"Finally! Please tell me that you brought a book for me."

"Sorry, but I'm here to wake up Shay."

Lilith stiffened and turned to face the intruder. A hand pressed up against her forehead and light filled the space.

* * *

I wanted out. The memories were too much. A gentle hand rested on my shoulder and hummed a lullaby. The memories slowed until I could only see what was in front of me.

"It's time to wake up, Shay."

I looked up to see myself. She smiled. "Long time, no see. Shall we go save ourself?"

* * *

After two days, Cas and Dean came back to the bunker with their daughter. I stood off to the side as Sam and Gabe ogled over the baby. Once they had all settled down, I stepped out.

"May I hold her?" Cas held his baby tighter. I sighed. "Yes, it's Shay. I woke up yesterday."

"She did." Gabe smiled at me. "Lilith is even gone too. I triple checked and even got to take a joyride to make sure."

Dean walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "You remember everything?"

"Yeah, well, sorta. It's all there I'm just having problems picking things out. My early days are still really jumbled up. I almost remember when I was cut, but that is mostly just pain."

I forced a smile on my face. I didn't want to lie. I wanted to hug my parents and tell them everything, but I couldn't. I had to do this first.

I looked back at Cas. "May I?" Cas looked slightly tense, but he handed his daughter to me. I looked down and thought it was almost like looking in a mirror. My infant eyes looked back at me, so alert, so calm. I brush a hand over her head. I looked at the men around me.

"I'm sorry." I fly away to the place I was found.

* * *

I hold infant me close as I look at the old back road in front of me. In my hand was my Angel sword. It came to me after I woke up from my coma.

I kissed baby me's forehead. "I'm so sorry. I wish more than anything that I could let you grow up here, but it isn't safe. No matter where you go or hide, you would be hunted. You need to have a life, to grow strong before you fight the war that you didn't ask for. Just know that you will have a wonderful life and a loving family for twenty-one years. It won't be your true family, but you will see Papa and Daddy again though you won't recognize them. They love you very much and would die for you."

A bush rustled behind me. I turned, readying my sword.

"You made a terrible choice bringing that thing here, abomination." I held my hand steady as Uriel stepped closer. I glanced around to see other Angels surrounding me.

"Something is different about you," Uriel said, cocking his head slightly.

"Really? I thought you wouldn't notice. I cut my hair and released my Grace. Thanks for noticing."

Uriel sneered. "I liked you better silent."

"Yeah, 'cause you like a girl to not complain when you tear her wings apart and cut her to ribbons."

Uriel snarled and stepped closer. I held up my sword. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. You see there is something different about Nephilim Grace. It is extremely powerful, not that you didn't already know that, but I'm different. You want to know why?"

"Cease your blathering." Uriel pulled out his blade.

"You see, I was conceived just like a Fledgling, direct Grace to Grace, or soul to Grace, in my case, contact, and I was carried by my Angelic parent. I was created by power and grew surrounded by power, which means that I can do this . . . " I cocked my head to the side. Every Angel disappeared. " . . . and return you all to Heaven. So think hard before you come at me again."

Little me gurgled. I smiled down at her. "We should get going. You are going to have a warm crib in a couple hours, but I have to do this first."

I unwrapped her and set her on the ground. As quickly as I could, I cut the sigils that would scar her skin for her entire life onto her. I was crying with her as I finished. I rewrapped her and did my best to sooth her.

"I'm sorry."

"Shay!" I turned to see Cas standing there, a look between fury and sorrow on his face. I smile lovingly at him.

"I love you, Daddy." I blew a kiss towards him and jumped back.

* * *

 **I hope that answered more questions than created them. I tried to hint at it in past chapters. Some of ya'll probably figured it out.**

 **I gave Shay a sword instead of a blade to mirror her more powerful Grace, and no Lilith couldn't get it because she couldn't access or use Shay's Grace due to some protection from the sigils.**

 **Love to hear what ya'll think!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you Thisisnotsparta99 and firember23 (sorry it took so long, I don't know why, but your name didn't show up until recently) for favoriting!**

 **This is a bit of a long chapter. I couldn't quite find a good place to cut off. Let's see what happened twenty-one years ago, shall we?**

 **Enjoy my Lovelies!**

* * *

 _Twenty-one years ago. . ._

Day turned to night. I listened to the crickets chirp for a split second then looked down at my burden. She was still crying in pain. I put her into a painless sleep and ran down the road. I was blinded by sudden headlights. I heard car doors open and close.

"Are you alright? What are you doing in the middle of the road at this hour?"

My eyes adjusted and I recognized the Allens, twenty-one years younger, but the Allens none the less. I looked down at my baby self and held her out to them.

"Please, take her to a hospital. She needs medical help. Please, I wasn't here. You found her in the bushes." I non to gently put her into Mrs. Allen's arms. I stepped back and ran.

 _Six months after time traveling. . ._

I watched as baby Shay was taken home by our adopted parents. They were so young and Jeremy, our older brother who was three at the time, didn't know what to do with her. He kept poking her cheek and jumping when it made her gurgle and drool.

I followed them home and made a promise to myself. I was going to watch over Shay no matter what happens.

 _Present day. . ._

Cas paced the floor. Nothing Dean did would calm him down.

"How can you be so calm?" Cas yelled. Dean stood and grasped Cas shoulders forcing him to stop moving.

"I'm not calm. Our baby girl just got taken from us by her time traveled self. I will not be calm until we get her back."

Cas slumped. "Where do we even start?"

"All you had to do was ask."

 _1 year after time traveling. . ._

The babysitter must be busy chatting with her friend on the phone because baby Shay has been crying from a wet diaper for the past twenty minutes, but the storm woke her long before that.

I sigh and walk to her crib. Picking up the small toddler.

"Hush, everything will be alright." I quickly changed the diaper and carried Shay to the rocker in the corner. The lightning flashed and the thunder sounded, causing the small child in my arms to shake.

"Hush, Momma and Dada will be home soon." I wrap my wings around the both of us and hold Shay tighter.

" _Little child, be not afraid.  
The rain pounds harsh against the glass._

 _Like an unwanted stranger,  
There is no danger.  
I'm here tonight._

 _Little child,_  
 _Be not afraid._  
 _Though thunder explodes_  
 _And lightning flash_  
 _Illuminates your tear stained face._  
 _I'm here tonight._

 _And someday you'll know,_  
 _That nature is so,_  
 _This same rain that draws you near me,_  
 _Falls on rivers and land_  
 _And forests and sand,_  
 _Makes the beautiful world that you see_  
 _In the morning._

 _Little child,_  
 _Be not afraid._  
 _The storm clouds mask your beloved moon_  
 _And its candlelight beams_  
 _Still keep pleasant dreams._  
 _I'm here tonight._

 _Little child,_  
 _Be not afraid._  
 _The wind makes creatures of our trees_  
 _And the branches to hands._  
 _They're not real, understand_  
 _And I'm here tonight._

 _And someday you'll know_  
 _That nature is so,_  
 _This same rain that draws you near me,_  
 _Falls on rivers and land_  
 _And forest and sand,_  
 _Makes the beautiful world that you see_  
 _In the morning._

 _For you know, once even I_  
 _Was a little child,_  
 _And I was afraid,_  
 _But a gentle someone always came_  
 _To dry all my tears_  
 _Trade sweet sleep the fears_  
 _And to give a kiss goodnight._

 _Well, now I'm grown,_  
 _And these years have shown_  
 _Rain's a part of how life goes,_  
 _But it's dark and it's late_  
 _So I'll hold you and wait_  
 _'til your frightened eyes do close._

 _And I hope that you'll know_  
 _That nature is so,_  
 _This same rain that draws you near me,_  
 _Falls on rivers and land_  
 _And forests and sand,_  
 _Makes the beautiful world that you see_  
 _In the morning,_

 _Everything's fine in the morning._  
 _The rain will be gone in the morning._  
 _But I'll still be here in the morning_."

I looked down at the little sleeping figure in my arms. This wasn't the first and certainly wasn't the last time I would sing little Shay to sleep. I knew that lullaby would live with her for the rest of her life, and one day she would sing it to her little Shay.

I saw headlights enter the driveway. By the time that Shay's parents came up to check on her, I was standing in my usual place, unseen by anyone.

 _Present day. . ._

Cas and Dean looked up to see me sitting on ceiling cross beam. I glided down to the floor and stood in front of them. I pulled my wings back in, hoping they didn't notice the change.

Dean crossed his arms. "Where have you been? When did you get back?"

"What happened to your wings? The colors are fading," Cas asked at the same time.

I fiddle with my jacket sleeves. "My wings aren't important. I didn't come back. I have been waiting. I'm not the Shay that you saw a few hours ago. I'm the one that watched her grow." A tear ran down my cheek. "I couldn't come back. All I could do was wait and watch. I was so close sometimes, I could've reached out and touched you. Watching you with little Shay . . . was so painful. I knew who you were and she didn't. She - I didn't understand how lucky I was back before we left."

"Now," I rubbed away my tears. "I'm here. Twenty-one years late. No memory blocks, no demon riding shotgun. Just Shay. I missed you so much, Daddy, Papa."

Two pairs of arms surrounded me. I was warm, safe. For the moment, I felt my darkness retreat a little. A memory flashed across my mind's eye as I felt Cas run his fingers through my wings.

 _Little Shay got lost in the forest by her house, and I helped her find her way home. She caught a glimpse of me and waved as she walked back to her house._

 _I smiled._

So innocent _. I stiffened then blacked out._

 _I woke up in a blank room._

" _Who are you?"_

 _She reached out and twirled my hair._

" _You are gonna have to make the choice soon, sweetie. We can have so much fun."_

 _I woke up on the ground, and I knew what was happening. It had happened to all the Nephilim before me. I looked behind me and found my wings were slightly duller, more grey._

I curled up tighter into my fathers' arms. They could help me. They always know what to do.

"Shay?" I looked up at my papa. He looked concerned. "You're shaking."

I shook my head and rested it on his chest. "It can wait. I just want to be a family for a little while."

Dean pulled me closer and wrapped an arm around Cas. For the first time in my forty-two years, I felt truly at home.

I heard a click behind me. I turned out of the embrace and faced the possible threat, instinctively throwing my blade in that direction.

"No friendly fire!" Gabe and Sam had ducked, my blade missing them by a few feet.

Sam held up his phone. "I was only commemorating the family reunion, no need to get all pissy like Dean does."

"Sorry, twenty-one years of constantly watching my back doesn't really vanish overnight."

We all shared a nervous laugh. A funny thought crossed my mind. I turned to my dads and grinned a grin that would've made the Cheshire Cat jealous.

"Am I going to get a baby sister or brother soon?"

A pin could've been heard hitting the floor.

"Too soon?"

"Yeah." Dean glared at me. Cas just looked pale.

"Maybe a cousin?" Gabriel inferred, elbowing Sam's ribs.

"No," Sam said, firmly. "We have Heaven already fixing their smiting eyes at us, we don't need another reason to pissed them off."

I shrugged. "They can't do much to me."

"You're kidding, right?" Gabe asked. "They tore your wings to shreds and they still have your boyfriend."

"He isn't my boyfriend." I rolled my eyes. "He hasn't asked Daddy and Papa yet. I'm old-fashioned like that."

"They can still use him against you. You can't fight all of Heaven, everyone in this room has tried."

I sighed sadly. "You don't know what I can do."

I closed my eyes. I reached a hand toward Sam. Sam convulsed and bit back a yell as a glowing orb emerged from his chest. Gabe, Cas and Dean all took a step towards me, but I stopped them with a wave of my hand.

"I'm putting it back. I promise."

The soul floated to my hands where I cradled it. It looked terrible. It reminded me of my broken wings, torn and ragged, slowly mending. I felt traces of Lucifer and Michael on it.

I gently stroked the broken soul. "I'm sorry you had to experience such pain. No soul should have endured such torture."

I hovered my hand over the glow and concentrated. I felt the soul regrow and renew itself. I smiled when it was whole again. I blew it back towards Sam and it gently melted back into his chest.

I smiled at Sam's confused expression. "I erased the wounds that Lucifer and Michael enflicted on your soul. The memory is still there, that I can't heal, but the damage is gone."

Sam rubbed a hand over his chest, and a hand slapped the back of my head. I turned to Dean, who looked pissed.

"You can just fucking pull out someone's soul like that!"

I looked down ashamed. "I know, but I haven't figured out how to heal them without physically touching them, yet."

Cas stepped closer. "No creature, not even the Nephilim of the ancient days had the power to heal souls."

I looked at him. "How many were conceived the same way as a Fledgling? And how many Nephilim were carried by their Angelic parent?"

No one answered me.

"I was able to send Uriel and his entire flock back to Heaven with a tilt of my head." This got their attention. I felt the darkness return. I clutched my chest and doubled over.

 _Choose! Choose! Choose!_

I heard so many voices calling my name. I couldn't take it. I retreated to the roof. I forced my eyes to the stars. Their constant shine made the darkness retreat. Tonight they looked so close, I could almost touch them. I lifted a hand.

"You know I've been to Heaven," I said, over my shoulder. "Not when Uriel had me prisoner, but after that. Unknown to any Angel, I walked through so many heavens. After I saw my adopted parents die for the second time, I found them. Their heavens were one and they were so happy, but I couldn't talk with them, tell them that all of their children lived well after them or what I am." I took my hand back. "I don't belong there. I don't belong here. One hates me and soon the other with be terrified of me."

"I don't understand." Cas sat down beside me.

"Do you know why all the Nephilim caused such darkness and destruction? They had to choose. Power or purity. Their power made them feel secure, so that is what they chose. Well, most of them. Very few decided that they would live with their mothers' people in peace and live their immortal lives, watching the world turn and change around them."

"You are going to have to choose."

I nod. "I've fought it off for as long as I can and can for a while longer, but the darkness that comes with the power is growing stronger. I was born so powerful that I have so much farther to fall." I hugged my knees and put my head down. "I have the potential to be more powerful than Lucifer, and that came from the Devil himself."

"You have been in contact with Lucifer?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, he found me about a month or so back. Told me to call him Uncle Luci and to warn me of my impending doom. He told me that the Nephilim were to be creatures of pure darkness or pure light because of some spat that happened between God and someone else. He was kinda cryptic about it. Nearly sent him back to the pit, but decided not to, he being the first person to actually talk to me in twenty-one years and all." I hugged my knees tighter, looking back up at the sky. "I don't want to hurt anyone, Daddy."

Cas placed an arm over my shoulders. "Then choose to live without the power."

I shook my head. "That means that I wouldn't be able to protect the ones I love, and I would lose my wings." I laughed harshly. "One selfless reason and one selfish. Well, both can be seen as selfish, if you look at them long enough. Either way I lose."

"Sometimes, the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose."

I looked up at Cas with awe. "Did you just quote _Doctor Who_?"

Cas looked surprised. "No, that was entirely me. I have heard of this _Doctor Who,_ but I have not watched it yet."

I laughed truly for the first time in years. "What you just said is something the most recent Doctor said." I laughed for a little while longer. I continued after I wiped away my tears. "But you are right. I'm going to have to choose the lesser of two evils."

"And that is no easy task, I know that from experience."

I snuggle under Cas's arm some more and turn my face into his jacket. I breath in the scent of detergent and Angel Grace. Papa smelled like aftershave, engine oil, and apples. Next to a Colorado winter night breeze, these were by far my favorite smells.

For a few precious moments, I was an infant being held by Daddy again. I fell asleep before too much time passed.

* * *

 ** _Lullaby for A Stormy Night_ lyrics courtesy of Vienna Teng.**

 **What did ya'll think?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you catetay and mps2849 for following!**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Uriel paced back and forth in his office. The abomination had just disappeared, vanished with the infant abomination without a trace. They scoured time for the pair, but they were nowhere to be found.

"Sir?"

"What is it?"

"We may have found the Nephilim."

Uriel glared at the Angel. "Where?"

"Our agents on Earth saw her in Kansas. The traitor Castiel was with her."

Uriel felt a small victorious grin touch his lips. Two birds with one stone.

"Set up a watch in the area where it was seen. Wait for my command to take the abomination."

"Yes sir."

"And soldier?"

"Yes sir?"

"Well done."

"Thank you, sir."

Uriel grinned wolfishly as the Angel left.

* * *

I woke up in my bed. I stretched my arms and wings. I hadn't slept for years. I needed a desperate catch up.

I stood up and pulled out a fresh set of clothes. My teeth felt like crap and my breath smelled just as bad. I took my time with showering and getting dressed. I didn't feel rushed or in danger. For the time being, I was safe.

I made my way to the kitchen, craving some serious waffles. It took me a few minutes to get what I needed, and then I made myself a giant plate stacked high with the fresh breakfast pastries. I was about to take my first bite, when all of the men came walking into the kitchen.

They stared at me, making me stop the fork almost to my mouth.

"What? Do I have flour on my face?"

Dean just started grinning while shaking his head. "No, just finally seeing you joining us among the living is a miraculous thing."

I shrugged and shoved my fork into my mouth. I was sleep deprived, of course I was going to sleep for a day or so.

I polished off my plate and set it aside. "So. . ."

"Any reason in particular that made you sleep for a week?" Cas asked.

My chair and I fell backwards, hitting the floor rather hard. I moved to my knees so I could rest my arms and head on the table and stare at my family. "A week?!"

"Were you not taking care of yourself?" Cas continued.

"A week?!"

"You are part human, so you do have human needs."

"A week?!"

"Yes, Shay," Dean said rolling his eyes. "I believe that we have established that you slept for an entire week."

I shook my head. "I mean I didn't sleep or eat for ten years because I was scared that Uriel-"

"Ten years?!" Sam and Dean both looked at me with horror.

I continued. "-or another Angel would try and kill Shay early, but it didn't effect me much. I never really got tired or hungry."

My stomach growled, making me blush. "Well, I guess it caught up to me."

Dean rolled up his sleeves and opened the fridge. He pulled out item after item, until the entire counter was full. "Time for Papa to make a breakfast that A Las Vegas buffet would be jealous of."

I smiled and started cracking eggs into a large bowl. Cas started juicing oranges. Sam battled Gabe for the right to put blueberries instead of chocolate chips in the waffles. Dean took the eggs away from me and poured them over the onions and bacon that were browning in the skillet.

Then I sat on the counter and watched my family make breakfast together. It was almost as if we had all forgotten that there was a war waiting to pounce on us the moment we stepped out the door, but we didn't care. We were together, that is all that matters.

* * *

"Has Bobby come up with anything?" I asked for the hundredth time in the past few days.

Sam glared at me. "In the hour since you last asked me that? No."

I groaned and fell into a chair. Nephilim lore was scarce, and what was there, was all death and chaos. We weren't any closer to finding a way to stopping my oncoming darkness.

I curled up on my chair and closed my eyes. My mind started to drift back twenty-one years to a cell in Heaven.

" _Do you tell stories, Shay?" I nodded._ " _Tell me a story?"_

 _I looked at cellmate with glare if frustration._

" _Surely there is a story you can tell me?"_

 _I shrugged._ Not a good story _, I wrote.  
_

" _It has been millennia since I have heard a real story." Gadreel leaned back against the wall and stared into nothing._

 _My heart sank. What could I do? Then an idea hit me. I crawled closer to Gadreel and started drawing. About ten or so minutes later, I was satisfied with the drawing in the dust. I scooted to Gadreel's side and gestured to the drawing._

" _I do not understand. How is a picture of girl releasing a bird a story?"_

Create a story _, I wrote._ Her name is Emily. Tell her story.

 _We struggled for a few minutes, but before long, Gadreel was telling the story of young Emily and her loving bird, Hope._

 _As the story drew to an end, Gadreel's arm rested over my shoulders, his fingers absent-mindedly preening my wings-_

"Shay!"

I bolted from the memory to find Sam covering his eyes.

"What?"

Sam looked at me in awe. "You do realize that you were glowing?"

"Glowing?"

"Yes, like a light bulb. What were you remembering that made you literally start glowing?" I could see the curiosity and the experience shining in his eyes.

I blushed. "Better days."

"And does "better days" currently reside in a cell guarded by a shit load of Angels?" I just turned a brighter red.

"Sam better not be telling you dirty little secrets." Gabriel appeared behind his lover and draped his arms across Sam's shoulders. The taller man just smiled.

"More like discussing how Shay wears her heart on her sleeve. She was remembering "better days"."

Gabe looked astonished at me. "You weren't thinking of a certain Angel that indirectly caused the fall of mankind, now were you?" I didn't meet their eyes. "Hasn't it been like twenty-one years since _you_ saw him? I thought crushes were supposed to fade after a few weeks?"

Sam shrugged and glanced over his shoulder at the Archangel. "My crush lasted for years."

Gabe opened his mouth for a retort, but none came out. "Got me there, Samsquatch."

My heart clentched as I watch them together. Gadreel was suffering while I was free. It hurt so much.

 _You could save him you know. All you have to do is choose. You have the power to do it._

I bit back my tears as I felt the darkness speak truth. I could save him. I could make it so no Angel would ever hurt him again.

 _Yes, yes! That is right. You can save everyone you-_

The words were cut off by a sharp ringing. Gabe flinched as if he had heard it too.

" _This is a message for the abomination."_ I gritted my teeth as Uriel's voice filled my mind. " _We are willing to talk to reach an agreement. No weapons, no tricks. There is a playground not far from where you are hiding out. Meet me there in an hour. This will be your last chance to save the traitors."_

A growl emitted from the back of my throat. After trying to kill me and the people I loved, the dickhead wanted to talk?

 _Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him._

I pressed my hands into my temples, trying to suppress the darkness.

 _Kill him and you can save Gadreel._

My heart nearly stopped. I could. Gadreel could be free.

A pair of hands rested over mine, pulling me from my thoughts. Cas was in front of me, his blue eyes filled with worry and sympathy.

"Gadreel would not want you lose who you are because of him." He looked at me with knowing eyes. "I do not know him well enough, but I know that much. I would feel the same if I were in his place."

I started to cry. "But he is hurting, I know he is! I can make it stop forever. He will never have to see that jail again. I could free him!"

A second pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders. "I know it's hard, kiddo," Dean said in my ear. "You want him free, so he can be happier, right? Well, if you chose power in order to free him, you won't be you anymore from what we have seen from the lore. You won't care what will happen to him."

I nodded. "But if there is a chance of freeing him without that being a factor, we have to try."


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you loonylovegood3225 for following!**

 **Sorry for disappearing for a while. I had to make a decision. This is going to be the last chapter. There will be a sequel, but it won't be up... I'm still not sure when... but I love this story too much to let it go.**

 **Enjoy Lovelies!**

* * *

I found myself on a swing an hour later, waiting. I watched the clouds roll by. It was going to be a beautiful day. Dean, Cas, Gabe and Sam had taken up places around the playground, like sentinels on watch. If anything went wrong, I was sure that the playground would become a bloodbath.

Someone sat in the swing next to me. "I see that "No weapons" did not get through your thick skull."

I shrugged. "After what you did to me, I would rather be prepared. Not that I would need my sword. I could send you back to Heaven if I just thought it."

Uriel pulled up his sleeve revealing a sigil. "With this I cannot be sent anywhere without my consent. I had some time to prepare for this."

My gaze turned deadly. "You have had a little over two weeks. I have had twenty-one years." I felt Uriel stiffen, and I chuckled. "I know it is hard to wrap your mind around, but I'm not the Shay that you saw two weeks ago, or you can say that I am. Time is a little tricky like that. I won't bother you with the details because I might just make your head spin. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?" I started swinging, waiting for the Angel to start speaking.

"A trade."

My feet dragged on the ground, slowing me to a stop. "Me for who?"

"The Angel that you tried to escape with, the one that you left behind."

I started swinging again, my stomach starting to boil from the rage that hadn't really died over twenty-one years. "Like I had much choice," I growled. "I had an Archangel dragging me away."

"It does not change that fact that he suffered for that."

Anger welled up from my stomach to my chest. "If he is anything less than well, you will suffer tenfold."

Uriel laughed. "You cannot hurt me. If you do, none of my underlings will rest until every person you love is dead."

I started shaking in rage. The darkness was chuckling in my mind. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"What is your proposal? I go back with you to Heaven and he goes free?"

"Your life for his."

I didn't even think about it. "Deal."

Uriel nodded, and the sandbox not far from us lit up like a Christmas tree. My family moved in closer, in case things went sideways. The sands rose up and three figures emerged from the cloud. Gadreel was carried by two other Angels, his body and face beaten and bloody. I rushed forward and caught him. I fet his Grace thrum weakly in response to mine. His eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the sunlight.

"Hey you." I smiled through my joy-filled tears. I feathered my fingers over his forehead, healing what damage I could. Gadreel narrowed his eyes at me.

"You are different, stronger."

I laughed a little. "Twenty-one years of running can do that to someone."

Gadreel's gaze didn't change. "Is she . . .?"

I nodded. "Got kicked out after I released my Grace, not sure if she survived or not. Really don't care either."

His face softened. "You are well?"

I stood up and pulled him to his feet. "Better than some." I took his hand and walked him to my family. "You are a little behind on what has happened. Castiel and Gabriel can explain everything."

I let go his hand and stepped away. I turned around and walked back to the Angels that waited for me. I stopped in front of Uriel and met his eyes. "A deal is a deal. My life for his."

"Indeed it is."

"Shay, watch-" Dean didn't have time to finish before I felt a blade enter my ribs. My breath was stuck in my throat and time slowed to a crawl. I saw Uriel's grin, vicious and beast-like. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Gadreel, Gabe, Sam, Dean and Cas all starting to rush to me.

At least they would be safe. I wouldn't hurt anyone. The blade tip pierced my heart.

 _You aren't going to get off that easy._

* * *

Cas blinked as he came to. He struggled to sit up and remember what happened. Shay, an Angel came up behind her and stabbed her, then...

Cas looked up and saw Shay standing over many Angels' corpses. A pair of black wings emerged from her back, gone were the beautiful colors that resembled a sunrise. They were pure darkness, no light fell through the inky black feathers.

As if sensing his starring, Shay turned. Her once vivid green-blue eyes were now muddy grey.

She smiled and looked back to the bodies at her feet.

"Isn't it beautiful, Daddy?"

* * *

The music was loud. The air was thick with smoke and the smell of alcohol and vomit. It was perfect.

A new stranger pushed open the door and glided to an empty stool at the bar. "Your finest on the rocks."

The bartender gave the beautiful newcomer a smile. "Sure, darlin'. Be right up."

Within seconds, a cool glass filled with ice and amber scotch was set in front of her. "What brings a pretty thing like you into a place like this?"

"It drew me in." Ruby lips caressed the rim of the glass. "The noise. The smell. I like it." Grey eyes flinted around the room. "I think I might stick around for a while."

"Fine by me, darlin'. Your pretty face is a drink of water. Get too many rough characters around here that aren't all that easy on the eyes."

"Don't know what yur talkin' 'bout, Bill," a drunk called from the back. "But I'm purty as a picture!"

A round of approving shouts rang out in the bar. The woman let a slight smirk cross her lips and sipped on her scotch again. The ice was melting, mixing perfectly with the amber liquid. A loud pounding sprung up behind her eyes, making her choke. After a minute of coughing, Bill asked if she was alright.

"Yes, I am fine. I just wasn't paying attention and inhaled. Thank you for your concern."

"Well, a gentleman shouldn't let a lady die on his watch."

They both laughed, and Bill turned to help the poor sot further down the bar who had fallen off his stool. The woman looked at the mirror that stretched across the back of the bar. A pair of vivid green-blue eyes looked back at her, frightened and angry.

The woman closed her eyes and shook her head. There was no going back. She was unstoppable. No one would ever hurt her or the people she loved again.

Bill came back with the scotch bottle. "Didn't catch your name, darlin'."

The woman smiled. "Mara. Just Mara."

* * *

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


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